Positive Speech from Dr. Mary Naples on Wellness Day

Before coming to CISH for my second career, I earned a Ph.D. in Family Therapy and worked in the field of mental health field for twenty years. During the Annual Wellness Event, I had the opportunity to present to our students. Following are some highlights from my presentation.

在来到CISH，从事我第二份职业之前，我获得了家庭疗法的哲学博士学位，并在心理健康领域工作了20年。在一年一度的健康日上，我值此机会来谈谈我的想法。以下就是我演讲的一些重点。

The most important thing I learned my former clients is "the way you feel about yourself determines how you interact in the world and how successful you will be."

我从之前的客户中学到的最重要的东西就是“你的自我感觉决定了你怎样与世界相处，也决定了你会有多成功。“

The negative talk we communicate to our self affects the way we feel and think about our person. For example, when you wake up in the morning and look in the mirror to see a pimple. What do you do?  Do you tell yourself negative things, such as "I look ugly." These negative conversations with ourselves influence our thoughts and result in negative feelings about ourselves. 

我们与自己的消极对话影响了我们的自我感觉及思考方式。例如，当你早上醒来，照镜子发现自己脸上长了青春痘。你会怎么做？你会说“我看起来好丑”这类的话吗？这些消极的自我对话会影响我们的思想以及会导致负面情绪。

The way we look can affect how we feel about ourselves, but it is not the most important thing. Embracing who you are as a person is critical for a positive self-image. Seeing yourself as an individual other will respect also influences our self-image. The way we think and present ourselves is the way others will treat us. Our thoughts are who we are. It is essential to stop saying negative things to yourself about yourself. Be your own best friend. 

我们看待事情的方式可以影响自我感觉，但这并不是最重要的事情。包容自己对树立正面的个人形象至关重要。将自己看成别人会尊重的个体同样也会影响我们的个人形象。我们思考及展现自己的方式正是他人会对待我们的方式。我们的思想决定了我们是谁。肯定自己十分重要。成为自己的好朋友。

We can be our harshest critic. We can be harder on ourselves than anyone else will ever be with us. This behavior sabotages our self-esteem. It is so important to love ourselves and to accept that we are not perfect. No one is perfect.

我们可以成为自己最严厉的批评者。我们可以比任何人都对自己严厉。这种行为伤害了我们的自尊心。最重要的是我们要爱自己，接受自己的不完美。人人生而不完美。

If you are always comparing yourself to others, you will never feel good about yourself. It is crucial to value who we are. Be your person because there is no one else like you in the world. You are unique, and no one else exists in the world who is just like you. You are unique and special. 

Who you select as your friends also define who you are. They influence how you feel about yourself and how you will treat others. 

如果总将自己与他们比较，你永远都不会对自己感觉良好。评价自身十分重要。做自己，因为在这个世界上，只有一个你。你独一无二，这个世界上没人跟你一模一样。你很独特。从你结交的朋友那，也能看出你是什么样的人。他们会影响你对自己的感觉，也会影响你对待他人的方式。

Academic health is about achieving success in school. When a student is not doing their homework nor studying and receives a poor result, they must admit to themselves the reason why this occurred. One of the most challenging things is to put up the mirror and take an honest look at oneself, but we need to do this at times to understand what we need to change. Admitting and making a plan for what you will do differently will bring results. Beating yourself up by making negative comments or finding excuses will not. Making the required effort to be successful develops positive academic Wellness. Beating yourself up is not the answer but learning from your mistakes will make a difference! 

学业健康是指在学校里取得成功。如果学生不做作业，不学习，成绩不好，那学生得思考这些事情发生的原因。其中最具有挑战性的事情是，站在镜子前，坦诚的看着自己，有时候我们确实需要这样做，这样我们才能明白自己为什么需要改变。 接受自己，并为自己要做的事情制定计划，都会给自己带来好的改变。负面评价自己，找借口，自责则不会。努力获得成功会让自己获得学业健康。不自责，并且能从错误中吸取教训意义重大。

Parents, your role is to love your child as they are and to guide them to be better people. It means accepting your children are in the stage of development. Your role is to teach how to develop into happy, healthy, successful adults. When you do too much for your children, when they can do for themselves, what you communicate is "I do not trust you can do it." You want to communicate to your children "I believe in you. I know you can do this, but it is not always easy."

家长们的责任就是爱自己孩子本来的样子，并引导他们成为更好的人。这意味着接受正在成长的孩子。家长的责任是让孩子成为快乐，健康，成功的人。有时你为孩子做的太多，当孩子可以自己做事情的时候，你不相信他们能做到，这当然是不对的，你应该跟他们说 “我相信你。 我知道你可以做到，即使过程会很艰辛。“

And remember your children will do as you do not as you say. So please be aware of your behavior. If you are always on your phone or your computer what is this behavior communicating? 

I am from the United States. US parents are very concerned about their children and adolescents. They are dealing with many social concerns, such as drug abuse and addiction, which China's parents are not experiencing. I ask you to embrace your children because you have great children! You've sent them to a school and teachers who are committed to developing students who are capable of thinking for themselves. Parents, you have done a great job but remember your children are not perfect. They are growing, changing and learning every day. They will develop into successful adults with your guidance. Be patient and consistent.

记住，行动比语言更有说服力。所以注意自己的行为习惯。如果你总是对着手机或电脑，那这算什么沟通行为呢？我是美国人，美国父母非常担心他们的未成年孩子。他们要面对很多社会问题，像吸毒和药物成瘾，这些都是中国父母不会经历的。你们的孩子很优秀，所以我希望家长能多多包容自己的孩子！你已经将他们送去读书，学校的老师致力于培养可以独立思考的学生。各位家长你们已经做的很好了，但记住人人生而不完美。孩子们每天都在成长，在改变，在学习。在你的指导下，他们会成为出色的人。请多点耐心，多点坚持。

Thank you and be well!

谢谢，保重！