考官内部批改7分=考试7分,还不赶快写作文?,无忧小雅哥微信公众号文章

10月24日，又是一个出分的好日子！学员Yu，考前批改的作文，marker已经给了7分！果不其然，10月24日的考试，成功考到4个7！现在我们来一下，7分的作文到底长啥样？

An increasing number of people change their career and places of residence several times during their life.Is this a positive or negative development?

There is a tendency now for more people to try different jobs and relocate their home several times throughout their life. In my opinion, this is a positive development for both individuals and society.

Firstly, changing jobs and homes home places (you can say ‘places of residence’ but not ‘home place’) can facilitate people getting a better standard of living life (‘life’ is ok here but more specific would be ‘standard of living’). In today’s fast-changing economy world (‘world’ is ok here but ‘economy’ is more specific), it is essential for people to experience various jobs to build a more diverse skill-set as a job today may not exist in the future (excellent point). For example, certain farm labor is no longer needed now due to the application of modern machinery. Therefore, people change career to help them to broaden their work experience and better adapt to new working environments. Finally, they are able to get adequate money to afford their families, leading a happy life (This point is not clearly expressed and it is an important point so it is not enough to just tack it on to the end of the paragraph). People also change jobs in search of promotion and better paid positions. Often people’s ambition to do more and have more cannot be satisfied by remaining in one company their entire working life.

Furthermore, this growing trend also benefits our society as a whole (This is ok as a linking expression signaling a change of topic. Another way could be ‘Aside of the benefits to the individual, the increased mobility of people is also good for society as a whole’). New residents from different cities or countries mean that more cultural influences (This is used for a conditional sentence where you are talking about an imaginary situation but this is a real situation that currently exists so you should just use the simple present tense) are brought into our communities, resulting in a more dynamic cultural environment and reducing misunderstanding between different people. Meanwhile, such new migrants are more likely to bring (The skills a country lacks are not necessarily advanced ones just different types) the diversity of skills that the country urgently requires, which can push forward the development of countries and fill gaps in the job market. For example, Australia uses a working migrant scheme to attract more skilled people in some fields like the nursery (what did you mean?). As a result (OK but not necessary), with the cultural mix and more skilled people, society can become more harmonious and prosperous.

In conclusion, changing jobs and moving to different places is a positive trend as it not only can help people to accumulate a greater range of work experience and achieve a better life, it can also enrich our societies.

TASK RESPONSE Good - Very Good

--Answers all parts of the question

--Presents a clear position throughout the response

--Extends and supports main ideas but with a tendency to over-generalize and/or lack focus

--Some main ideas are inadequately developed or unclear

COHERENCE & COHESION Very Good

--Logically organizes ideas; clear progression throughout

--Clear central topic in each paragraph

--Uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately but with some over use

LEXICAL RESOURCE Good - Very Good

--Use of an adequate range of vocabulary for the task

--Use of some less common vocabulary with some awareness of style and collocation