这个雅思不常见的考题，无忧烤鸭是怎么写出7.5分的文章的？其实你也可以的！,无忧小雅哥微信公众号文章

关于城建规划的问题，其实在雅思考试中虽然略有涉及，但并非一个特别popular特别常见的题目。

这是一篇无忧内部学员7.5的文章，大家可以参阅一下外教所批改的注释，以及文后的详细feedback。把自己所有的相似错误改正，并参考一下该小伙伴们的漂亮的词句表达，提升一下自己的英语写作表达能力哦~

In many cities, planners have separated schools, homes, shops, and offices into specific areas. Do you think the advantages of this type of planning outweigh the disadvantages?

Urban① designers have divided amenities, residential areas and workplaces into different zones in a large number of cities. I believe that there are more benefits than drawbacks in this plan②, as it contributes to life quality and economic prosperity.

[①: Try to start the essay with more impact. “In today’s society, urban….”; ②this plan → this type of planning…]

On the one hand, this① urban plan causes inconvenience② to the public in terms of mobility. For instance, instead of walking few③ minutes to arrive④ destinations, people may travel long distances to reach shopping malls, offices and schools. This particularly cause⑤ extra burden for people who do not have ownerships of vehicles⑥, because they have to rely on public transport in every activity⑦.

[①this → this type of; ②inconvenience → an inconvenience; ③few → a few; ④arrive → arrival; ⑤cause → causes an; ⑥vehicles → a vehicle; ⑦in every activity → with every journey.]

On the other hand, it improves people’s living surroundings and physical health. Firstly, the residence① area tends to become quiet and clean without any commercial shops or markets. Therefore, the public will enjoy a more relaxing environment after work or study. Moreover, when manufacturing plants are moved out of residential areas, there will be less emission② damaging air quality. Thus, people’s physical condition is likely to improve with fresh③ air in surroundings④.

[①residence → residential; ②emission → emissions; ③fresh → fresher; ④surroundings → surrounding areas.]

Finally, it enables industries to have productive cooperation if a specific technology zone is established in a city. For example, the Silicon Valley located in south of San Francisco is the home to many top companies in the world, such as Apple and Intel. The professional and noise-cancelling① working② environment encourages people to concentrate on tasks and figure out③ intensive ideas. When these ideas were④ put into application⑤ in the form of launching new products into market⑥, a country’s tax revenue is going to⑦ increase.

[①noise-cancelling: ???; ②working → work; ③figure out: too colloquial for an academic essay; ④were → are; ⑤: a comma is needed here as it is relative clause; ⑥market → the market; ⑦going to → likely to.]

In conclusion, although the separate-use zoning plan leads some① negative results to② the public, there are more gains than loss③ in the long term.

[①some → to some; ②to → for; ③loss → losses]

让我们来看看外教给出的feedback是怎样的：

Feedback:

*Word Count is appropriate

Task Achievement – Very Good to Well Done

This response addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear position throughout. Your supporting examples are very logical and support your arguments – well done.

To improve try to expand on your reasons for your opinion. For example – in the 2nd paragraph be more specific like mentioning it particularly being more of a disadvantage for senior citizens.

Coherence & Cohesion – Well Done

Information is arranged appropriately and there is a clear progression throughout. Paragraphs are introduced well and cohesive devices are illustrated appropriately.

Lexical Resource – Very Good

The vocabulary used is sufficient for the task showing some flexibility and precision of meaning relating to the topic. You have used some uncommon words and expressions skillfully, however just make sure they are accurate to meaning.

Grammar & Accuracy – Very Good to Well Done

You have many error free sentences which show very good control of simple and complex sentences. A range of structures have been used with appropriate punctuation. Just be careful of subject-verb agreement clauses, plurals and tentative language.

你也想要写出这样高分的雅思作文？

其实你也可以！

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