以下是考官给我们Alice同学的批改作文。Alice同学在去年12月通过写作批改拿到写作7分。

Some people think thatstudents in primary school should be taught how to manage money because it isan important life skill. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays,money management is an inevitable invaluableskill that everyone needs to develop. As this skill is so important in our life, my opinion is tha twe should teach young children about how to managemoney as early as possible. This is because children can develop a betterfinancialsensesystem atanearly age. and adapt to the reality easily

Teachingchildren about money management can help them build a valuable financial system sense.They can develop a good saving habit, which will definitely bring numerousadvantagestoin their everydaylives. For example, if they want to buy something expensive, they would notneed toturn to their parents and ask for money, but they would rather save their pocketmoney and try to buy the things by themselves. Therefore, instead of spendingtheir parents’ money randomly, children can actually gain a planning skillabout how to spend money in the right way.

Developinga good moneymanagementsystem also helps youngchildren to understand the reality. It is important foradolescents tocomprehendunderstand the important role money plays in the real world, so when they grow up they canbetter adjust themselves tothisthe world. Forinstance, some primary schools in Australiaarrange tripst end to bringtheir students to the bank and teachpupilsthem how to make a deposit or read the interest rate board. By doing so, studentsare able to know that in order to achieve success in the future, it isimportant for them to make valuable comparisons and manage their money wisely.

Toconclude, I think, without a doubt, money management plays a vital role in ourlife. Young children should start learning this skill as early as possible, sothat they can develop a good financial value system and adapt to the reality in a better way.

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Task Response: 7

There is not much to fault here. You address the topic directlywith relevant ideas and an interesting example in the case of the children inAustralia. Your opinion is clear and consistent. Well done.

The phrases “in myopinion,” and “I think” are not incorrect and you would not be penalised forthem in the actual exam, but I have cut them to show you that they areunnecessary. Is any meaning lost without them? Personal expressions andpronouns tend to be over-used by Chinese writers who find it a little difficultto appreciate that formal writing tends not to use these terms. You can simplystate your opinion as if it was a fact. The reader knows you are the writer andthat this is just your own opinion.

Cohesion and Coherence: 7

This category is also well managed. The argument is presented ina logical order through a sufficient number of paragraphs, each of which has aclear main idea, and correct use of a range of connective terms to link ideas.

You could consider occasionally varying the position of the connectiveterms within the sentence. Always placing the connective at the beginning ofthe sentence is generally grammatically “safe,” but can make the text looksomewhat “mechanical.” Not all, but many of the common connectives such as However, Furthermore, For example,Additionally etc can take different positions which can make your sentencesa little more interesting. Here, for example, you could have written: “Some primary schools in Australia, for instance, ….”

Lexical Resource: 7

The repetition on some terms could have been reduced, and thereare occasional instances of imprecise word choice. These do not cause any realproblem for the reader, however, and are more than offset by a number ofhigher-level words and collocations which show some sense of style and moreprecise meaning (money management, good saving habit, gain a planning skill,better adjust themselves, valuable comparisons etc).

In general thevocabulary can be judged as relevant and more than adequate for the topic.

Grammar Range and Accuracy: 8

There is a variety of structures presented with considerablesuccess. Mistakes such as overuse of the definite article and confusedprepositions are only occasional and minor in effect. The majority of sentencesare in fact grammatically correct.

This is a well presented essay which meets the task requirementsin an ordered fashion and with especially strong grammar control. There arejust a few points to consider which could improve the impression of yourwriting even further.

与其花$330考几次雅思, 为什么不潜心好好写10篇作文让考官给你批改争取一次考过呢？