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【7plus雅思】Writing Band 7 Template 5
Topic：Smoking in public places.
Somebusinesses prohibit smoking in any of their offices. Some governments havebanned smoking in all public places. Do you agree or disagree that this is theright course of action? Give reasons for your opinion.
Most of thefirms(Most firms. Do not use a definitive “thefirms”), organization and companies as well as governments imposerestrictions to smoke (on smoking)in work places and public amenities. It has become fashionable inthe world today to blame smoking (youshould explain the statement and say to blame smoking for many illnesses orsomething else). However, although (Overuse of linking words – use just one, however or although) feelthat smoking can be harmful, but I don’t think it should be forbiddencompletely. I would also argue that people should have the right (right to decide) whether or not they shouldsmoke.
Allow meto present the three positive sides of smoking. Firstly, smoking certainlyhelps many people to relax. For some, it even improves concentration. Ifsomeone is upset owing to debt (aboutowning money) or they have exam (anexam), like (theymay like) to smoke to reduce the pressure or tension. Most of the(Many) people like to smoke whenthey are relaxing with friends. Secondly, governments throughout the world makehuge profits from taxes on cigarettes. The income obtained through taxesprovides funds which are used for building school, hospital (schools, hospitals – use plural form) andpublic places such as parks, gardens, sports ground and foot paths. Thirdly,tobacco industry also employs tens of thousands of people all over the world,particularly in poorer countries such as Zimbabwe or India. Without cigarettes,these people would have no jobs.
Despitethese positive effects there (effects,there) are lots of negative effects to smoking too. Initially, smokinghas been proven to be very dangerous for health. As one (One) cigarette contains more than 4000chemical substances, therefore, it causes for many (may cause many) dangerous diseases such as heartattacks, asthma, bronchitis or lung cancer. According to a recent report inBritain close to 3,500 people are killed each year in road accidents and120,000 are killed by smoking. Furthermore, smoking costs governments millionsof dollars because of the large number of people who need treatment inhospitals for smoking-related problems. Moreover, passive smoking is also amajor concern today. Recent research shows that non-smokers can suffer fromhealth problems if they spend long periods of time among people who do smoke.In the UK children whose parents are smoke (smokers) are threetimes as likely to start smoking themselves.
In short,I think the world would be a better place without cigarettes. However, thedecision of whether _ smoke or not to smoke should be for eachindividual to make. I suggest that people should not smoke in a room or a placewhere there are non-smokers; however they should be free to smoke elsewhere.
名师点评：This is avery good essay; you have made your arguments well and set out the paragraphsas required. However, pay attention to your use of assertive statements e.g.‘Without cigarettes, these people would have no jobs’. Perhaps they would gainemployment in another industry – we cannot be sure. Over all, well done!
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