七月，又是一年毕业季，各大中小学的毕业礼如期而至，前几天被汕头大学的毕业典礼刷了屏，360度视频投影的体育场、全校师生慷慨激昂合唱校歌，更出彩的是李嘉诚的演讲，句句箴言：
愚人只知道‘为’（to do），智者有愿力，把‘为’（to do）变‘成为’（to be）；
懂得‘善择’才是打造自己命运的保证；
自律是铁杵成针的意志功夫；
良知是成就尊严和有存在意义的明灯；
道力之限，要靠愿力突破。
所有毕业典礼上，前辈和智者都用自己丰富的人生经验，为即将踏入人生新征途的孩子们做指引，希望他们前面的路一马平川。
然而，最近有一位“另类”的演讲者，在儿子的毕业典礼演讲上，送出了“另类”的毕业祝福：我祝福你不幸并痛苦。
（John G. Roberts Jr与儿子杰克，照片是儿子4岁时所拍）
这位爸爸是美国联邦最高法院第17任首席大法官约翰·罗伯茨（John G. Roberts Jr），是美国两个世纪以来最年轻的大法官。
在16岁儿子即将毕业的卡迪根山中学（Cardigan Mountain School）毕业典礼上的演讲，不仅教毕业生们如何获得成功，更是一个父亲教导子女如何谦逊地为人和与这个社会相处。
我们来看看John G. Roberts Jr看似“负面”，实则充满正能量的精彩演说吧：
《Forever Young》是John在演讲结尾引用的Bob Dylan写给儿子的歌曲
演讲者：John G. Roberts Jr
译者：端端
如今在全国无论大学、高中、还是初中的毕业典礼上，演讲者总会站在不耐烦的毕业生面前说着同一句话：“毕业只是开始，不是结束，你们得向前看。”他们说的也对，但我认为，在向前看去搞清楚你将去往何处之前，你最好先回首你从哪儿来以及你曾经历过什么。
回想第一次走进卡迪根山中学的那个下午吧，那时你可能十分孤独，可能有些害怕、有些焦虑。可是现在你再看看自己，身边都是亲如兄弟的同学们，你信心满满地准备迎接下一个教育阶段。
这是一个值得深思的变化，如果认真回忆走过的路，你一定会感激你的同学们，那些在课堂、田径场以及寝室里曾帮助过你的同学们。你收获了如此大的自信，不是因为你在方方面面获得了成功，而是因为你朋友们的帮助让你不再害怕失败。
失败第一次，你再接再厉重新开始；失败第二次，你重振旗鼓再次尝试；如果失败第三次，是时候该尝试点别的了。而引领你坚持到这一步的不是想要成功的信念，而是不怕失败的决心。
那些毕业典礼上的演讲者们也通常会祝你们好运，给你们许多美好的祝福，但我不会这么做，并会告诉你们为什么。
在未来的日子里，我希望你有机会遭受不公的待遇，这样你才会明白公平的价值；
我希望你有机会遭受背叛，这样你才会懂得忠诚的重要。
很抱歉这样说，但是我真的希望你有机会感受孤独，这样你才不会视朋友为理所当然。
我还希望你偶尔不幸运，这样你会意识到“机会”在人生中所扮演的角色，认识到你的成功或者别人的失败，都并非理应如此。
当你失去什么（未来总会有这么一天的），无论何时，我希望你的对手幸灾乐祸，让你明白体育精神有多么重要。
我希望你偶尔被忽视，好让你学会倾听；我希望你感受足够的痛苦，好让你学会同情。
无论我是否祝福你这些事情，它们将来迟早都会发生，至于你能否从中受益，取决于你有没有能力发现隐藏在这些不幸背后的信号。
人们还会期待毕业典礼上的演讲者们给出一些建议，他们的建议有些很宏观，有些很实用，通常他们都会建议你“做自己”，这跟建议所有人穿同样的衣服一样奇怪。但是你必须，你必须做你自己，不过你得明白这意味着什么，除非你绝对完美，不然你就得做出改变。
在某种意义上，你不应只是做自己，而应做到更好。人们说“做自己”，是希望你抵制住冲动，不去遵从别人希望你成为的样子。如果你自己都不了解自己，你当然无法做自己，而如果你不认真去思考这个问题，你将很难真正了解自己。
希腊哲学家苏格拉底说：“缺乏自省的人生是没有意义的。”有时候“Just do it”可能是一句很好的人生格言，但是当你还没想好如何继续走前面的人生路时，它可就不是个好格言咯！
走好人生路的一个重要线索是，不要把人生想象得太过美好。坦率来讲，丢掉对你来说最重要的价值观的最好方法是，你压根儿不要去想它。这是我最想给你们的忠告。
你们就要去新学校了，我想再给你们几个建议。在过去的几年里，我已经熟识了你们中不少人了，我知道你们都是好小伙，你们是出身名校的年轻人，哪怕来这所学校之前你不是，但是现在你是了。我有一个忠告：不要有优越感。当你进入新学校，看到修剪树枝、清扫积雪、收拾垃圾的人，走过去向他们介绍自己，记住他们的名字，在校期间遇到他们，请记得叫他们的名字。
另一个建议：遇到你一时没认出的人，记得微笑，并看着他们的眼睛问好，最坏的结果不过是你变成一个“微笑问好男”，这也不是什么大不了的坏事嘛。
你们是来自男校的学生，你们中大多数人将来会去有女同学的学校学习，对这一点，我没什么建议。
最后一个小建议很简单，但是我认为它会给你的人生带来巨大变化：每周写一封信给某个人，不是电子邮件，是手写的信件，只需花费你大概10分钟的时间。问问大人，他们会告诉你什么是邮票，你可以把邮票贴到信封上。
再强调一次，10分钟，每周一封。我现在来帮你，告诉你第一封信该怎么写：“亲爱的____（填上卡迪根山中学一位老师的名字），我已经就读于新学校，我们用英语阅读，足球训练好难，但是我热衷于此项运动。感谢您曾经教导过我。”把信放进信封，贴上邮票，寄出。对愿意投身中学男生教育的老师们来说，这封信意义非凡。
如我所说，每周花10分钟写一封信，一学年下来，你已经给40个人写信了，有40个人会因为你的来信觉得生活有了一点点不同，也会有40个人因为你的所为感受到你的特别，而这些东西是任何人都没办法夺走的。
建议已经很多了，我想以我喜欢的歌词做结尾，我之前引用了希腊哲学家苏格拉底的名言，而下面我要引用的歌词来自美国伟大的哲学家鲍勃•迪伦，这首歌已经有50年历史了，是鲍勃•迪伦在一次旅途中思念儿子Jesse时创作的，歌词中列举了父母对子女的期望，同时也是为人子女者应有的目标。这些祝愿美好、永恒、共通而又真挚。除了一点——这首歌的标题和副歌，其实是为人父母者的一声哀叹，而不是祝愿。
下面附上鲍勃•迪伦的《Forever Young》歌词：
May God bless and keep you always
愿上帝保佑你
May your wishes come true
愿你的美梦都能成真
May you always do for others
愿你无私助人
And let others do for you
也接受他人馈赠
May you build a ladder to the stars
愿你筑梯摘星
And climb on every rung
步步拾级
May you stay forever young
愿你永远年轻
May you grow up to be righteous
愿你长成正直之人
May you grow up to be true
愿你保持真诚
May you always know the truth
愿你世事洞彻
And see the lights surrounding you
亦不摒弃光明
May you always be courageous
愿你勇往直前
Stand upright and be strong
昂首挺立不惧风险
May you stay forever young
愿你永远年轻
May your hands always be busy
愿你双手永远充实
May your feet always be swift
愿你步伐永远轻快
May you have a strong foundation
愿你踏实坚强
When the winds of changes shift
即使世事无常
May your heart always be joyful
愿你心中欢乐满溢
And may your song always be sung
你的歌谣能永远唱响
May you stay forever young
愿你永远年轻
看完才发现，这篇演讲稿看似都是狠话，其实背后是一位前辈和父亲的良苦用心。
带孩子编织美丽的梦，当然是每一个父母前辈最想为孩子们做的事，这位大法官却反其道而行之，带这些即将踏上新旅程的孩子们从美梦中醒来：如果你想要过更美好的人生，你就必须去学会经历人生中那些不美好，然后你才知道美好的可贵与不易。
正如龙应台在《亲爱的安德烈》中所说：“生活是抑郁的，人生是浪费的，可如果拉长来看，却是在抑郁中逐渐成熟，在浪费中逐渐累积能量。”
最后，再附上John的演讲稿英文原文：
Now around the country today at colleges,high schools,middle schools,commencement speakers are standing before impatient graduates.And they are almost always saying the same things.They will say that today is a commencement exercise.‘It is a beginning,not an end.You should look forward.’ And I think that is true enough,however,I think if you’re going to look forward to figure out where you’re going,it’s good to know where you’ve been and to look back as well.And I think if you look back to your first afternoon here at Cardigan,perhaps you will recall that you were lonely.Perhaps you will recall that you were a little scared.a little anxious.And now look at you.You are surrounded by friends that you call brothers,and you are confident in facing the next step in your education.
It is worth trying to think why that is so.And when you do,I think you may appreciate that it was because of the support of your classmates in the classroom,on the athletic field and in the dorms.And as far as the confidence goes,I think you will appreciate that it is not because you succeeded at everything you did,but because with the help of your friends,you were not afraid to fail.And if you did fail,you got up and tried again.And if you failed again,you got up and tried again.And if you failed again,it might be time to think about doing something else.But it was not just success,but not being afraid to fail that brought you to this point.
Now the commencement speakers will typically also wish you good luck and extend good wishes to you.I will not do that,and I’ll tell you why.From time to time in the years to come,I hope you will be treated unfairly,so that you will come to know the value of justice.I hope that you will suffer betrayal because that will teach you the importance of loyalty.Sorry to say,but I hope you will be lonely from time to time so that you don’t take friends for granted.I wish you bad luck,again,from time to time so that you will be conscious of the role of chance in life and understand that your success is not completely deserved and that the failure of others is not completely deserved either.And when you lose,as you will from time to time,I hope every now and then,your opponent will gloat over your failure.It is a way for you to understand the importance of sportsmanship.I hope you’ll be ignored so you know the importance of listening to others,and I hope you will have just enough pain to learn compassion.
Whether I wish these things or not，they’re going to happen.And whether you benefit from them or not will depend upon your ability to see the message in your misfortunes.
Now commencement speakers are also expected to give some advice.They give grand advice,and they give some useful tips.The most common grand advice they give is for you to be yourself.It is an odd piece of advice to give people dressed identically,but you should — you should be yourself.But you should understand what that means.Unless you are perfect,it does not mean don’t make any changes.In a certain sense,you should not be yourself.You should try to become something better.People say ‘be yourself’ because they want you to resist the impulse to conform to what others want you to be.But you can’t be yourself if you don‘t learn who are,and you can’t learn who you are unless you think about it.The Greek philosopher Socrates said,‘The unexamined life is not worth living.’And while ‘just do it’ might be a good motto for some things,it’s not a good motto when it’s trying to figure out how to live your life that is before you.And one important clue to living a good life is to not to try to live the good life.The best way to lose the values that are central to who you are is frankly not to think about them at all.So that’s the deep advice.
Now some tips as you get ready to go to your new school.Other the last couple of years,I have gotten to know many of you young men pretty well,and I know you are good guys.But you are also privileged young men.And if you weren’t privileged when you came here,you are privileged now because you have been here.My advice is:Don’t act like it.When you get to your new school,walk up and introduce yourself to the person who is raking the leaves,shoveling the snow or emptying the trash.Learn their name and call them by their name during your time at the school.
Another piece of advice:When you pass by people you don’t recognize on the walks,smile,look them in the eye and say hello.The worst thing that will happen is that you will become known as the young man who smiles and says hello,and that is not a bad thing to start with.You’ve been at a school with just boys.Most of you will be going to a school with girls.I have no advice for you.The last bit of advice I’ll give you is very simple,but I think it could make a big difference in your life.Once a week, you should write a note to someone.Not an email.A note on a piece of paper.It will take you exactly 10 minutes.Talk to an adult,let them tell you what a stamp is.You can put the stamp on the envelope.Again,10 minutes,once a week.I will help you,right now.I will dictate to you the first note you should write.It will say,‘Dear [fill in the name of a teacher at Cardigan Mountain School].’ Say： ‘I have started at this new school.We are reading in English.Football or soccer practice is hard,but I’m enjoying it.Thank you for teaching me.’ Put it in an envelope,put a stamp on it and send it.It will mean a great deal to people who — for reasons most of us cannot contemplate — have dedicated themselves to teaching middle school boys.As I said,that will take you exactly 10 minutes a week.By the end of the school year,you will have sent notes to 40 people. Forty people will feel a little more special because you did,and they will think you are very special because of what you did.No one else is going to carry that dividend during your time at school.
Enough advice.I would like to end by reading some important lyrics.I cited the Greek philosopher Socrates earlier.These lyrics are from the great American philosopher,Bob Dylan.They’re almost 50 years old.He wrote them for his son,Jesse,who he was missing while he was on tour.It lists the hopes that a parent might have for a son and for a daughter.They’re also good goals for a son and a daughter.The wishes are beautiful,they’re timeless.They’re universal.They’re good and true,except for one:It is the wish that gives the song its title and its refrain,That wish is a parent’s lament.It’s not a good wish。
