【雅思写作批改大揭秘】6.5分到7分必须要跨过的那几道坎儿!~

2014年12月10日 无忧小雅哥



【引言】接近年底了,许多烤鸭们都跟无忧小雅哥抱怨写作考了好几次,永远都是6.5分,难道4个7就那么难?写作这0.5分到底差在哪儿呢?无忧小雅哥还原一篇真实的学员作文批改,重现6.5分的那些错误,小伙伴们对号入座,看看自己是否中枪!~
写作批改大揭秘
雅思写作范文
墨尔本无忧雅思 mel51ielts

Every year several languages die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

People from different parts of the world are often have their own languages[1] and many countries spent millions of fund to protect endanger[2] languages. Although I believe that languages are an important part of human cultures, I think that it may be beneficial for our world[3] to[4] have less[5] languages.

[1] This error sentence basically tells me nothing about this topic. It is true that many languages, especially some minority languages have become vanished or are facing extinction.
[2] Endangered (endanger is a verb meaning “pose a threat to”)
[3] life
[4] if we only
[5] fewer


Firstly[1], I agree that protecting[2] languages from extinction can be useful in terms of[3] culture indentities[4] and linguistic studies. This is because different languages often represent different cultures and ways of doing things.[5] For example. Studies have showed[6] that people who speak a language that does not have tense tend to save more[7] as they view tomorrow the same as today rather than another separate time period like tense-speakers do. This kind of research help people to understand their behaviour[8], and it can not be done without a various types of languages to study at.

[1] on the one hand
[2] you need a gerund
[3] benefits
[4] diversity
[5] lifestyles
[6] shown
[7] save more? Save more money? Save more time?
[8] What research? The question isn’t about language research, it’s about protecting endangered languages.
Jeffrey: If you examine the IELTS writing marking descriptor, you will notice under the column of Task Response, it stated a term of 'Lack of focus' which generally refers to relevancy. Often candidates provide no examples or supporting detail, or they give examples that don't seem to be relevant to their argument. Apparently, the example you provided is irrelevant with neither “culture identity” nor “linguistic studies”- or maybe your language error deters from the meaning.

By the way, you mentioned “human culture” in the introduction, and then there is no need to mention “linguistic studies”. This will affect score of CC.


However, considering the cost spent on protecting these languages from dying out, the yield that I mentioned above is minimal. A more important thing is that if people only speak some common languages, it can promote a better communication. This may be[1] due to the fact that communication is difficult between people who[2] speak different languages, and interpretors and translators will be hired[3] to enable conversations. This cost can be staggering, especially for international organisations such as the Euro zone or some cross-boarder trading companies.

[1] is
[2] communication between people becomes difficult when we
[3] needed
Jeffrey: (Examiner will look for the key words “make our life easier”, so you’d better make sure that your argument contains those key words. It seems you are talking about saving money for communication, right?)


In conclusion, even though languages provide people and scholars a chance to know more about themselves, I would argue that less[1] languages can encourage international cooperation[2] and effective communications.

[1] fewer
[2] I guess you should summary a different argument: saving money and promoting communication between ethnic groups.
TR: good – Band 6.0
1.Your response addresses all parts of the task, however, the part about “making our life easier” is fully covered. You must make sure that every part of the task is addressed well.
2.There are some good arguments, however, it seems that you present many ideas in the 3rd paragraph and there is a tendency of lacking focus in the 2nd paragraph. Read my comment after the 2nd paragraph.
3.Your conclusion draws your score down. In a conclusion, you should conclude what did discuss in the main body paragraph. Obviously, you haven’t discussed “encouraging international cooperation” in the main body paragraphs, right?
CC: good – Band 6.0
1.Information is arranged in a bit unclear way with a not very clear progression throughout your response. One solution is to make sure you state your position clearly in the introduction paragraph and make sure that each following paragraph links to that. Another solution is to focus on the first sentence in each paragraph and state clearly what the purpose of that paragraph is.
2.Cohesive devices are used, however, “firstly” is used too mechanically – this is band 6. When you use “firstly”, reader will expect to read “secondly” or “in addition”. However, in your essay, there was not the second point.
3.Paragraphing is not very clear. Make sure that you have only one clear centre topic within each paragraph. Don’t try to mention many ideas.
LR: good – Band 6.0
1. Good range of vocabulary for this topic, but not sufficient. You need to show me flexible and precise of lexis items.
2. Learn collocations and try more less-common expression. Don’t need to use some big words, you need to learn how to use words together and learn to use the right words in the right place at the right time.
3. There are some spelling mistakes, but they are minor and won’t be a big issue here. There is also a formation error (‘endanger’).
GRA: good – very good Band 6.5
1. A variety of sentence structure is shown in your essay. However, you need to show more complex structures.
2. There are a few error-free sentences. You need produce more error-free sentences.
3. There are many consistent systematic errors which are evident. Avoid these, though higher grammar errors won’t be a big issue.

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