【写作】考官怎么给的6.5分.

2015年07月01日 7PLUS英语


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原文+修改

Some people think visitors to others countries should imitate local customs and behaviours. Some people disagree; they think the host country should welcome culturaldifferences. Discuss the two views and give your opinion.

International travelling has become increasingly popularthese days. Someholdregardthat peopleneed to learn local social norms when they visit other countries. Others thinkit is not necessary as the host country should accept and toleratent other cultures. In my opinion, I support theformer ideas more fromthe former.

Learning local cultures and following the core values makesit easy for visitors to be compatible with the local customs. This means thatthese travellers have more opportunities to deepen their understanding of theplace and they are likely to disseminate valuable information to others. TakeGermany for example,where being punctualon in every tinyoccasion is customary for most Germans. If people absorb thisese essential values, they not only will not do any harmto the culture butcanalso can they form ahabit of being punctual.

On the other hand, those whofeelregard learning local culture is not necessary think that if local people can embracecultural differences, it may bring economic benefits by attracting more people.Visitors normally prefer to go to places where they feel they are welcomed andaccepted. For example, Melbourne International Airport in Australia has everysign and instructions in Chinese language to attract more Chinese-speakingtravellers[?]. This approach hashelped captured those who havealanguage barriers and worry aboutpossible problems feeling ill at easeat airports.Therefore, this can definitely stimulate Melbourne’s economy by having a biggertourism industry.

To From my personal perspective, imitating local customs helps to establish a goodrelationship with local people. The reason for this is that when visitors showtheir enthusiasm to learn how local people behave in daily lives, they show some sorts of respect. What is more, they can assimilate into the local culture[?], knowing about how to communicate to avoid misunderstanding and a sense ofalienation.

In summary, learning and respecting the cultures of thecountries visitors are willing to go to is really important, although thesecountries still should have an open attitude to embrace and appreciate the existence of cultural diversity.


下面来看看考官的打分和评语:


Task Response: 6


You present quite a nice answer to the task, looking at both views as required, although I find the second view not quite so convincing in your representation as the first. It is rather doubtful that Chinese language signs/instructions at Melbourne airport were established for the deliberate purpose of attracting tourists, but more likely a sensible and logical response to the fact that sizeable numbers of Chinese-speaking tourists were already visiting the city. Signs in more than one of the world's major languages are now quite common in many international airports. Whether visitors can actually "assimilate" into the local culture is also somewhat doubtful. This might, with considerable effort, be possible for longer-term visitors who have already begun to study the language of the country, but would be most unlikely, and even unnecessary, for the majority of visitors who will be tourists or business people on shorter trips.


小7哥说两句:很多同学在写文章举例子的时候,总会缺少一个”限定词“ 比如说有些情况在中国可能这样,在西方社会可能就不是。所以同学们在举例子的时候一定要特别小心,注意加限定词,可以在文章中加一个”In China, +你的例子“。通过考官给我们同学批改的作文,我们发现考官很在意这些,所以同学们都要注意


Cohesion and Coherence: 6

There is unnecessary wording and phrases in parts, but overall organisation of the essay is quite well managed. There is a sufficient number of paragraphs, the main idea in each is clear enough, and the discussion is presented in a logical order. This, together with effective use of a range of connective terms, enables the reader to follow the progression of thought without difficulty. There are a few minor lapses in connectivity. Use one, not both, of "In my opinion" or "I support." If the first, then you would need to rephrase to something like "In my opinion, the former idea has more validity than the latter." Note "From my personal perspective..."


Lexical Resource: 7

There is a stronger resource evident here. A few instances of imprecise word choice occur but these do not trouble the reader significantly, whereas a positive feature is the frequent use of higher-level words and collocations (social norms, core values, embrace cultural differences, sense of alienation etc) which are skilfully used to express more precise meaning.


Grammar Range and Accuracy: 7


You have a further strong capability here. An interesting variety of structures, including complex sentences, is presented with a high measure of control and the majority of sentences are grammatically correct. Occasional errors occur in parts of speech (tolerant/tolerate); word order; confused prepositions; and an incorrect plural ("some sorts of respects..."). There is an incomplete sentence in the 2nd paragraph where you have two main clauses separated only by a comma. I have joined them with the relative pronoun where. The effect of the mistakes on the reader is only minor.


The essay reflects an ability to write at a higher level, with just a few points to consider when undertaking your next assignments.

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小7哥寄语

写作6.5分的同学,你是不是也有这样的错误呢?写作想提高, 勤加练习和考官指导缺一不可,与其你花费$330一次又一次的考雅思,为什么不拿出$280 好好写10篇作文给考官批改,然后一次考过好呢?同学们记住,不要让你的下一次考试又成一次彩排!

7PLUS雅思近期高分榜

恭喜 Jie Chen 7小时一对一辅导后获得了

L7.5 R7.0 W 7.0 S 7.0

恭喜 ZITAN 10小时一对一辅导后获得了

L9.0 R8.0 W 7.0 S 7.5

恭喜 Sarah 10小时一对一辅导后获得了

L8.5 R7.0 W 7.0 S 7.0

恭喜 Rebecca 考官作文批改辅导后获得了

L7.5 R8.0 W 7.0 S 7.0

恭喜Sophie10小时一对一辅导获得了

L8.5 R7.5 W7.0 S7.5

恭喜 Alice 15篇考官作文批改后 获得了

L8.0 R 8.5 W 7.0 S 7.0

恭喜 Will 100小时四项7分晚班辅导后获得了

L8.0 R 9.0 W 7.0 S 7.5

恭喜 Sean 100小时四项7分晚班辅导后 获得了

L 8.0 R 7.0 W 7.0 S 7.5

恭喜 Raymond15小时一对一辅导后获得了

L 8 .0 R 7.5 W 7.0 S 7.0

恭喜 Jonathan10小时一对一辅导后获得了

L 7.0 R 7 .0 W7.0 S 7.0

恭喜 Jason写作口语7分强化班辅导后获得了

L 7.5 R 9.0 W 7.0 S7.5

恭喜 Chen 写作7分班辅导后获得了

L 9.0 R 8.5 W 7.5 S7.0

以上是近期7PLUS雅思通过四个7的同学,我们希望下次能在7PLUS雅思高分榜写上更多人的名字。



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