考题：

文章：

Dear Marita,

I’m (I’m I am) ①writing to you to request an ②annual leave on next month.

[Tutor’s comments: ①A letter to your manager is semi-formal not informal. Contractions “I’m” are only used in spoken conversation and informal writing between friends. ②‘Annual leave’ is non-countable noun so it can’t take an indefinite article ‘a/an’.]

As you know, I’ve (I’ve  I have) been working here as a marketing representative for almost one year. Colleagues here are very nice and supportive①. I really enjoy working here, but it was really (was really  has really been)② a tough year and I’ve (I’ve  I have) worked hard to achieve this year’s goal. At this stage, I’m (I’m I am) feeling a bit burnout (burnout  burnt out) ③, and I’ve (I’ve  I have) just finished a project so I don’t (I don’t I do not) have anything on hand now. I think it might be a good time for me to have a short break. 

[Tutor’s comments: ①I deleted this because your letter is a bit too long and this information about your colleagues is unnecessary detail. It also gives the impression it is the only reason you like working at the company i.e. you may not like the work itself. ②You need to use the present perfect tense here not the simple past because the year hasn’t finished. You said you’ve been working at the company for ‘almost one year’. ③‘Burnout’ is a noun but you need the adjective here. ]

According to my contract, I should have 10-day (10-day  10 days) annual leave which I haven’t (I haven’t  I have not yet) taken this year. I would like to take it if possible① from June 15^th (Monday) to June 26^th (Friday), and will be back to work on June 29^th if possible①. I would really appreciate if I could take annual leave on these days, so that I could (could  can)② spend my birthday with my family. 

[Tutor’s Comments: ①I had to move these words because it sounds like it might not be possible for you to come back to work on June 29th which I don’t think you mean. ②Here you need ‘can’ for ability not ‘could’ for possibility.]

Also, I’ve (I’ve  I have) talked to Mike, and he can cover my work while I’m (I’m I am) away. Mike and I have worked as partners since the first day I came to our (our  the) company, thus he knows my roles and all my customers very well. I believe that he can (can  will be able to)① do a great job while I’m (I’m I am) away.

[Tutor’s comments: ①You need a simple future tense here because your break is in the future.]

If there is an emergency, you can always reach me through email and mobile. ①

[Tutor’s comments: ①This is ok but you should understand that in Australia no one would try to contact you about work while you were on annual leave. It is just not done. It is unlikely that there would be any situation arising that staff at work couldn’t handle without you. The company has no right to your time when you are on annual leave. ]

I’m ① looking forward to hearing from you.

[Tutor’s Comments: ①You don’t actually need ‘I am’ here as it is understood. You can just write ‘Looking forward to hearing from you’.]

Yours sincerely, 

Shirley

以上就是完整的文章，已经老师的修改以及评语。那么，这篇文章详细的得分情况如何呢？请看老师的Feedback：

Feedback：

WORD COUNT:  229 words is a bit too long; minimum 150 required; aim for 170 to be safe

TASK ACHIEVEMENT            Well Done

• Covers all the requirements of the task sufficiently

• Presents a clear purpose, with the tone consistent and appropriate

• Clearly and appropriately presents and highlights key features/bullet points 

COHERENCE & COHESION            Well Done

• Sequences information and ideas logically

• Manages all aspects of cohesion well

• Uses paragraphs sufficiently and appropriately

LEXICAL RESOURCE            Well Done

• Uses a wide range of vocabulary fluently and flexibly to convey precise meanings

• Skilfully uses uncommon lexical items but there may be occasional inaccuracies in word choice or collocation

• Rare errors in spelling and/or word formation

GRAMMAR            Very Good

• Uses a variety of complex structures

• Produces frequent error free sentences

• Generally good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors