A lot of people ask me what my biggest fear is, or what scares me most. And I know they expect an answer like heights, or closed spaces, or people dressed like animals, but how do I tell them that when I was 17 I took a class called Relationships For Life and I learned that most people fall out of love for the same reasons they fell in it.

很多人问我，我最大的恐惧是什么，或者什么东西让我最害怕。我知道他们希望得到诸如恐高、密闭空间或扮成动物的人这类答案。但我怎么告诉他们呢，17岁的时候，我上了一堂“人生情感”的课程，发现大多数人不爱了的原因和当初坠入爱河的原因完全相同。

That their lover’s once endearing stubbornness has now become refusal to compromise and their one track mind is now immaturity and their bad habits that you once adored is now money down the drain. 

他们爱人身上曾经可爱的固执如今成了不肯妥协，他们曾经一根筋的蛮劲如今成了不成熟的表现，他们曾惹你喜爱的坏习惯如今成了烧钱的事儿。

Their spontaneity becomes reckless and irresponsible and their feet up on your dash is no longer sexy, just another distraction in your busy life.

他们的真性情成了鲁莽和不负责任，他们把脚翘在仪表盘上的动作不再性感迷人，只不过是你繁忙生活中另一件让人心烦意乱的事情。

Nothing saddens and scares me like the thought that I can become ugly to someone who once thought all the stars were in my eyes.

对于那个曾认为世间一切灿烂星辰尽在我眼中的人而言，我可能会变得丑陋不堪，一想到这些，没有什么事比这更令我悲伤、害怕了。

I never expected this to be my most popular poem out of the hundreds I've written. I was extremely bitter and sad when I wrote this and I left out the most beautiful part of that class.

我从没想过这会成为我写过的上百首诗歌里最受欢迎的。写作那篇文章的时候，我内心极度痛苦、悲伤，而忽略了那个课程最美好的部分。

leave out：省去、不考虑

After my teacher introduced us to this theory, she asked us, "is love a feeling? Or is it a choice?" We were all a bunch of teenagers. Naturally we said it was a feeling. She said that if we clung to that belief, we'd never have a lasting relationship of any sort.

老师给我们介绍了这个理论后，她问道：“爱是一种感觉？还是一种选择呢？”我们一群青少年，很自然地回答说是一种感觉。她说，如果我们坚持这种观念，将永远无法拥有任何一种长久的关系。

cling to：坚持

She made us interview a dozen adults who were or had been married and we asked them about their marriages and why it lasted or why it failed. At the end, I asked every single person if love was an emotion or a choice.

她让我们去采访了一些曾结过婚或处于婚姻中的成年人，询问他们的婚姻状况，为何长久或为何以失败告终。最后，我问每一个人，爱是一种情感还是一种选择。

Everybody said that it was a choice. It was a conscious commitment. It was something you choose to make work every day with a person who has chosen the same thing.

每个人都说，爱是种选择。爱是一种有意识的承诺，是你选择和一个人日复一日坚持维系下去的一件事，而那个人也同样选择这么做。

They all said that at one point in their marriage, the "feeling of love" had vanished or faded and they weren't happy. They said feelings are always changing and you cannot build something that will last on such a shaky foundation.

他们都说，在自己婚姻中的某一刻，这种“爱的感觉”消失了，或褪色了，他们不再感到快乐。他们说，感觉一直在变，在这种摇摇欲坠的基础上，你建不起来什么长久的东西。

The married ones said that when things were bad, they chose to open the communication, chose to identify what broke and how to fix it, and chose to recreate something worth falling in love with.

还在一起的人说当情况不妙时，他们会选择沟通，去搞清楚到底哪里出问题了，要怎么修复。他们会选择重新创造一些事情，值得双方去投入感情。

The divorced ones said they chose to walk away.

离婚人士则表示，他们选择了离开。

Ever since that class, since that project, I never looked at relationships the same way. I understood why arranged marriages were successful. 

自从参加那个课程以后，我看待情感关系的方式完全不同了。我也明白了，为什么包办婚姻会成功。

I discovered the difference in feelings and commitments. I've never gone for the person who makes my heart flutter or my head spin. I've chosen the people who were committed to choosing me, dedicated to finding something to adore even on the ugliest days.

我发现了感情和承诺之间的区别。我从未主动靠近那些撩拨我心弦或让我劳神的人。我选择的都是那些承诺选择我的人，他们愿意认真去寻找一些哪怕在最不堪的日子里也能让人心生喜欢的东西。

I no longer fear the day someone who swore I was their universe can no longer see the stars in my eyes as long as they still choose to look until they find them again.

我不再害怕那些说我是他们整个宇宙的人有一天在我的眼中看不到星星，只要他们仍选择继续寻找，总有一天，星辰会再次出现。