@Reejina：

把他打残？然后帮助他康复[允悲]

Maybe beat the hell out of him? And then help him recover?

@但求天下大同：

看看他有没有什么毛病，给他开副中药.

Check if there's anything wrong with him and prescribe some herbal medicine for him.

@非许Sama：

帮他拔光智齿.

Extract all of his wisdom teeth for him.

@一个烂人之中的烂人：

护理的，给他扎扎针吧.

My major is nursing. Maybe I can give him an injection.

@过两天还想换个头像：

吃个猪肝，研究一下肝小叶.

Have some pork liver with him and study hepatic lobules together.

@-温酒妻：

实不相瞒，我第一次跟我男朋友见面看电影的时候摸着他的脉搏对着秒表给他测了一下心跳.

True story. The first time I went out with my boyfriend, we went to a movie and during it I measured his heart rate by checking his pulse while looking at my second chronograph.

@夏天的谎言_：

我正在学诊断学，我能给她做一次全身体检，视听叩触。

I'm currently studying diagnostics. I can provide him a general physical examinantion. Look. Listen. Knock. And touch.

@缺陷病毒：

我躺他怀里，听他的第三心音。

Lying in his arms and listening to his third heart sound.

@网友小衡：

来个人工呼吸。

How about an artificial respiration?

@芝士四连：

给他心肺复苏。

Give him a CPR.

@啊哈哈Ricoco：

陪他去验个尸。

I can take him to try an autopsy.

@曾经是第一名：

一起研究人体解剖。

Study human anatomy together.

@lkjhgfdsa2016123：

模拟辛普森杀妻案，由我饰演辛普森，男友饰演妻。

Simulate the O.J. Simpson murder case. I play Simpson. He plays the wife to be murdered.

@益达不是益达：

模拟法庭见吧。

Let's see each other on the moot court.

@飲茶_yamuchi：

不用模拟了，直接法庭见。

Forget about the moot court. Let's see each other in a real court.

@瑓玟：

婚前财产公证了解一下。

Wanna know something about pre-marital property notarization?

@Xxxxiao号：

去法院旁听离婚的案子吧，提前告知彼此分手应该体面。

Let's go to the court and observe a divorce trial to remind each other to be cool with it if we ever get a divorce.

@咸鱼_法条背了吗：

告他，判他和我在一起。

Sue him and sentence him to be with me.

@夏夏夏夏夏天了喵：

给他提供一份专业的法律意见书。。。列名娶我的各种实惠。

Provide him a professional legal opinion, listing all the benefits he can get by marrying me.

@在野法曹_：

一起掉头发吧。

Let's lose hair together.

@陈二妞呀:

会计才是谈恋爱的最佳方式，你写流水账，我做出纳。

Accounting is the best kind of relationship. You keep the day-to-day account. I keep the receive and lend book.

@jin尼小奶狗:

借我的银行存款，贷他的库存现金。

Debit my bank deposit. Credit his cash on hand.

@白沙与远岫:

平摊约会费用。

Split the date expense equally.

@椋药:

虚开增值税发票养他。

Make a living for him by making false value-added-tax invoice.

@挽暮暮暮:

算一下他的折旧费用。

Calculate his depreciation expense.

@丨丨丨黑:

一起做假账吧。

Let's cook the book together.

@小城大事i-i:

不对，是一起坐牢。

No, you mean go to jail together.

@A奥尔良烤鸡腿:

跟他去河边散步 感叹这里的河该治理一下了。

Take him for a walk along the river and exclaim that it needs some treatment.

@饭不凉:

一起去化工厂散散心啥的。

Go to a chemical plant for a happy walk.

@我亦颠丶闲:

陪她一起做重金属分离实验 告诉她 你就像这些元素 美得含蓄内敛 那些闪耀和色彩深藏在你灵魂里面 遇到合适的人就会绽放 比如说遇到我这个专业的。

Do some heavy metal separation experiments with her and tell her that she is just like these elements, who hides all her beauty inside her soul and only reveals them to the right ones, such as someone with a major like mine.

@薛定猫的小翘皮：

带他去证券交易所分析股票趋势，以自己丰富而精湛的专业知识说服他把钱给我，然后替他精心挑选几只股票，我敢保证不出一年，连本带利地赔光光。

Take him to a stock exchange to analyze stock trend. Then use my abundant and sophisticated professional skills to persuade him to give his money to me and carefully select several stocks for him. And I can assure you that I will lose all this money plus the interest within one year.

@麦子只想做个小透明：

我们学金融的当然是帮他把钱都花光啊。

We, the finance people, help him lose all his money, of course.

@赤朽叶万年：

帮她算一下花呗怎么还比较划得来。

Help her find out the most cost-effective way to pay her online credit account.

@石原里脊-：

给他算命。

Do some fortune telling for him.

@一大堆迷思：

可以看看他有没有抑郁症啥的给他做做行为治疗。

I can check if he is in depression and provide some behavioral therapy if he is.

@Fernweh老人：

哈哈哈哈恋爱前带他去个吊桥！！

Kkkkkkkkkkkkkk, take him to a suspension bridge before we get into a relationship.

这是个超专业的梗，详情看这

@Abui是我：

当然是让他填问卷啦！！

What else? Make him fill some questionaires, of course!

@老蚂蚁今天学英语了吗：

谈恋爱前不先填个大五吗？顺便扫个脑。

How can you get into a relationship without taking the Big Five test first? And then do a brain scan all together.

@小时候：

送她我写的bug。

Give her some bugs I wrote.

@不配拿蓝：

一起debug。

Debug together.

@全世界最大的Apple：

一起欣赏代码的神奇。

Marvel at the wonders in coding together.

程序员们，你们……

@盈岑倾霜：

做个游戏给他玩，永远无法打通关的那种。

Make a game for her, the kind that you can never get a stage clear.

@83年雷碧你喝吗:

一起盖砖基础  搭脚手架  抹灰  很棒棒呢  你一下我一下的。

Make the brick base together. Put up the scaffolding together. Prick up the lime together. Great! We take turns doing that.

@餍不餍:

我可以培养他写情书。

I can teach him how to write love letters.

@Moxx_SJ:

给她解释商场里各种促销背后的真相。

Explain to her the truth behind all the sales promotion campains you see in the mall.

@今天的晚安呢:

一起发传单。

Give out leaflets together.

@王xiao宇要一帆风顺:

通过市场营销的理论分析一下大家之前为啥都是单身。

Apply marketing theories to analyze why we have stayed single.

@十言九罔:

我……可以给她p照片……

I can... photoshop photos for her.

@你可别来看我了:

打开ps  给他看看我是怎么p假照骗他的。

Start Photoshop and show him how I photoshoped my photo to lure him out.

@許先生與許仙女都是我：

帮他贴贴膜修修手机。

I can help him put membrane on his phone screen and fix the phone if it's broken.

@-许卷：

一起爬杆塔巡线维护变压器，在浪漫的变电站互通爱情的电波。

Climb a telegraph pole together and do some line patrol and transformer maintenance. We can send each other the radio wave of love in a romantic substation.

@吱吱等天黑:

共享一包辣条。

We can share a pack of spicy strips together.

这都愿意共享，是真爱了。

@Yizerlee:

带他尝遍所有食品然后告诉他哪个安全？

Take him to taste all kinds of food and then tell him which ones are safe?

@·-_-·:

带她住遍这个城市所有酒店。

Take her to take turns live in every hotel in the city.

@不可以熬夜:

一起铺床。

Make the bed together.

@渣渣游:

一起生小孩？？

Have a baby together??

@Jessmew:

一起推餐车？

Join hands to push the dining car?

@懒癌患者野野:

一起杀猪阉鸡。

We can kill pigs and caponize chickens together.

@Lucas丶Young:

给她造个炸弹。

Make a bomb for her.

@来世风雪相迎：

大概是一起刷刷热门 看看微博 朋友圈。

I guess we'll surf Weibo or WeChat Moment to see if there's any hot topic together.

@巨大型电灯泡:

给他送个快递。

Deliver an express package to him.

@帅不过彭于晏不改网名:

帮她插没插完的秧。

Help her finish the transplanting she hasn't finished by herself yet.