1

I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo. 

今儿去了动物园，睹物思人，一整天都很想你。 

2

I would ask you how old you are but I know you can't count that high. 

想问你几岁了还这么傻，但我知道你数不了这么大数。 

3

They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured. 

人都说互补才有吸引力。我希望你能遇到颜值高、智商高、文化高的伴侣。 

4

As an outsider, what do you think of the human race? 

作为一个局外人，你对我们人类有何看法? 

5

You're better at sex than anyone, now all you need is a partner. 

你床上技术比谁都牛逼，现在就缺个床伴了。 

6

Go ahead, tell them everything you know. It'll only take 10 seconds. 

赶紧的，快跟大家炫出你所有的知识。十秒钟应该够了。 

7

I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it. 

我猜你的大脑一定是十成新，从来没用过。 

8

Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you? 

你想让大家接受真实的你还是想让大家喜欢你? 

9

Are your parents siblings? 

你爹妈是亲兄妹吧? 

10

Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live. 

普通人都是活到老学到老。你只做到了前者。 

11

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth? 

你想过没有，如果你出生时大脑没缺氧，现在的人生会大不相同? 

12

You are dark and handsome. When it's dark, you’re handsome. 

你又黑又帅。天越黑的时候你就越帅。 

13

How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open? 

你是怎么到这里的? 谁打开笼子放你出来的? 

14

I bet your mother has a loud bark! 

我猜你妈肯定吠声嘹亮! 

15

I know you're not as stupid as you look. Nobody could be! 

我知道你没看上去那么傻逼。因为没人能傻逼成这样! 

16

If I had a face like yours, I'd sue my parents! 

我要是长成你这样，我肯定告死我爹妈! 

17

If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide! 

如果要杀掉所有讨厌你的人的话，那就不只是谋杀了；那是种族清洗! 

18

If your brain were chocolate, it wouldn't fill an M&M. 

如果你的脑仁儿是巧克力做的，那它肯定连一颗M&M豆都装不满。 

19

She has a nice butter face. Everything looks nice, but her face. 

她这脸长得沉鱼落雁，闭月羞花。也就是说，谁都不忍直视。

(butter face= but her face指某人后面看着想犯罪，正面看着想倒退。除了脸哪里都好。) 

20

She's got a body that won't quit and a brain that won't start. 

她身材从来不减，大脑从来不动。 

21

He's so ugly, robbers give him their masks to wear. 

他长得太尼玛丑，打劫的见了都心疼得把头套摘下来送他戴。 

22

The twinkle in his eyes is actually the sun shining between his ears. 

他两眼中闪烁着的，是太阳照进空脑壳的光芒。 

23

They said you were a big asset. I told them they were off by two letters. 

人们说你是莎士比亚。我告诉他们，你们多说了俩字。 

(原文asset减掉两个字母是ass，傻逼/混蛋)

24

Too bad stupidity isn't painful. 

傻逼这病不会疼，真是太可惜了。 

25

We do not complain about your shortcomings but about your long stayings. 

我们并不介意你的短处，只是怕你跟我们"长处"。

26

We heard that when you ran away from home your folks sent you a note saying, "Do not come home and all will be forgiven." 

听说你离家出走之后你家人捎信说：“只要你不回来我们就原谅你。” 

27

What color is the sky in your world? 

你的世界里，天空是什么颜色的呢? 

28

When God was throwing intelligence down to the Earth, you were holding an umbrella.

上帝向人间播撒智慧时，你打了伞。 

29

When I look into your eyes, I see the back of your head. 

当我盯着你双眼时，我能看到你后脑勺。 

30

When you die, I'd like to go to your funeral but I'll probably have to go to work that day. I believe in business before pleasure. 

等你死了，我想参加你的葬礼。不过我那天可能得下了班才能去，因为得先工作、后娱乐嘛。 

31

You look like a before picture. 

你长得像广告上“使用前”的照片。 

32

You are as strong as an ox and almost as intelligent. 

你壮得跟牛一样，智商也快赶上了。 

33

You are pretty as a picture and we'd love to hang you. 

你貌美如画，大家都想拿绳子把你挂起来。 

34

You are so dumb you sit on the TV and watch the sofa. 

你真是个傻逼，傻逼到坐在电视上看沙发。 

35

You should be the poster child for birth control. 

你应该去给避孕药做代言。 

36

You're so ugly when you went to a haunted house they offered you a job. 

你长得太丑，你去鬼屋玩，结果人家让你明天来上班。 

37

I don't exactly hate you, but if you were on fire and I had water, I'd drink it. 

我倒不是特别恨你，不过如果你着了火，而我手里又拿着水的话，那我一定先干为敬。 

38

It looks like your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a hammer. 

你这脸是不是着火之后被人用锤子拍灭的结果? 

39

If I wanted to kill myself I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ. 

如果我要寻死，我就爬上你的自负之巅，然后跳进你的智商黑洞。 

40

Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. 

你的出生证是避孕套厂寄给你爹妈的道歉信。 

41

It's kinda sad watching you attempt to fit your entire vocabulary into a sentence. 

看着你用自己的全部词汇量勉强拼出一句话的样子，真是让人悲伤。 

42

If I were to slap you, it would be considered animal abuse! 

我要是抽你耳光，会被人告虐畜的! 

43

Shock me, say something intelligent. 

来，吓唬吓唬哥，说点有智商的话。 

44

Maybe if you ate some of that makeup you could be pretty on the inside. 

你试试吃点化妆品吧，没准能增加点内在美。 

45

You so ugly when who were born the doctor threw you out the window and the window threw you back! 

你长得太丑，医生接生完就把你往窗外扔，结果窗户把你扔回来了! 

46

You are proof that evolution CAN go in reverse. 

你是进化可以逆行的鲜活证明。 

47

I heard you took an IQ test and they said your results were negative. 

听说你的智商测出来是负数。

(result和negative双关) 

48

If you had another brain, it would be lonely. 

如果你长出另一个大脑，它会很孤独。 

49

Oh my God, look at you. Was anyone else hurt in the accident? 

我的天，瞧瞧你的样子啊，车祸中还有其他人受伤吗? 

50

If brains were dynamite you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose. 

如果大脑是炸药，别人都能炸上天，可你连炸油条都不够。

(blow双关，爆炸/擤鼻子。)

另外，你知道blow在俚语中的四种解法吗? (孔乙己附体...