关于标题： 我清楚的记得女儿十三岁生日早上的情景 － 那是一个阳光明媚的清晨，卧室房门嚯的一下打开，她神情灿烂的站在门口，大声的向我们宣布从今天开始她是一位Independent Grown-up Woman！ 此时，卧室窗外的阳光在她背后形成一圈光环 … …

不晓得为什么当时哭笑不得的我会那样不合作地说了一句：“Sarah, You are just a teenager, go brush your teeth.” 几分钟之后，浴室里传来她嘹亮的歌声  I can feel your Halo, Halo, Halo …… 

我真的在她十四岁生日的时候做了一个蛋糕，上面写着“Happy Birthday to the Independent Grown-up Woman!”

在她十六岁的时候，这个“头衔”升级成为“The Strong Independent Grown-up Woman”. 因为在那一年，她不仅成为学校橄榄球队的主力和游泳队训练助理，还被评选为CCF Cadet of the Year并晋升为Coxswain – a Petty Officer in Royal Navy.

青春期的矛盾伴随着她迅速成长也悄然而至 … …

(2015年跟随Royal Navy出海集训)

Before I begin it’s important to remember that every child is different and each has different needs. My experiences may ring true for some and not for others. There is no guide on parenting and what is right or wrong.

My parents taught me the value of a good education. I attended very good schools through my education years and I’d like to think that I made the most of all the opportunities provided for me. The only comment I have concerning my parents about my academic life is that they were very judgmental about what subjects I chose to do.

I started narrowing down my subject choices at age 14 and (at the time) I had very low confidence in my choices and in myself. Therefore, it was very easy to be guided by what my parents thought and that may be part of the reason why I didn’t do any artistic subjects at GCSEs. Having said that, I really enjoyed all my subjects and time at school nonetheless, so it all turned out well.

In my opinion though, it’s equally important to remember that there is more breadth to the world than school. I am glad that my parents encouraged me to do extracurricular things such as taking up musical instruments and supported me by taking me to early morning swimming. It’s so easy to go through the motions of school and to not take part in things that may be harder or result in extra work. However, I would argue that I’ve learnt many important life skills and lessons - some more important than those you would learn in a classroom- as a direct result of doing a variety of extracurricular activities. Integrity, determination and persistence to name a few.

(2014年CCF联合军事训练)

In hindsight, I should point out that there were many times when I struggled to keep up with the variety of things I did. I can’t emphasis the number of arguments I had with my parents over lack of music practice or how late I was staying up doing homework. Sometimes it’s unavoidable and teens need to learn to maintain balance and learn their boundaries. However, for 13 - 18 year olds, that sort of chastisement is chaffing when you consider how stressed they may be in day-to-day school life.

Sometimes my parents did not fully understand the stress I had from school and my peer group. I don’t think I was the most forth-giving teenager but I also don’t think my parents made it easy for me to talk to them about my problems. Being a teenager (particularly a female one) is hard! You’re hormonal, your skin breaks out constantly, your body goes through so many changes, sometimes you’re just on edge and emotional for weeks! You sometimes do embarrassing things at school, or your friends fall out or maybe you’ve got a crush on someone. Every week there was something new to deal with!

(2014年CCF 射击训练)

While my parents were very good at giving me space- which was great- they weren’t as good at just listening to me! It’s very difficult to understand someone when they don’t tell you their problems- which I did (and still do) a lot. I always tried to resolve problems on my own, because I thought that asking my parents would cause more trouble for me in the long run (even though they had my best interests at heart). Sometimes all you need to do is listen to someone’s problems rather than offer up solutions or judge them for their choices.

I think they also found it difficult to understand my goals in life (and they still do). Which is understandable in itself: my teenage years are a world away from the ones my parents experienced. My relationship with my parents hasn’t been a smooth one but I’ve yet to meet someone who has had a perfect experience.

Parenting teenagers is an emotional struggle and honestly, I’m amazed that my mum and dad made it this far. I’m proud of the person I have become and I know that I’ve been prepared for life as well as I could have been.