作为国际妇女节第三篇也是最后一篇博客，有同事希望我能分享一下职场妈妈所受到的压力和我的相关经验。以下是我个人面对的三个“压力山大”，我认为这些压力对职场爸爸也同样适用。

个人的愧疚感

这必须排在第一位对吧？我的两个小孩出生之后，我都在他们七个月大的时候回归职场。我爱我的工作，也爱我的孩子，但我不喜欢一个人待在家里陪孩子（很抱歉！）。我真的很期待回到我的岗位上，重新穿上正装和高跟鞋，与成年人一同奋斗于职场。我从未后悔过回归职场，但我内心的愧疚感也从没停下过。我内疚的是，陪伴他们经历成长过程中重要阶段的人是保姆而不是我——包括第一次学走路，学习上厕所等　。我内疚的是，相比跟他们玩，我更喜欢在办公桌前埋头苦干。随着他们慢慢长大，我发现我已经能够在走进办公室时像按下开关那样，关掉所有关于孩子的想法，全身心投入到工作中。但一到下午五点半（下班时间），这些愧疚感又会慢慢袭来。在办公室多待的每一分钟相当于陪伴孩子的时间又少了一分钟，我的愧疚感就多增加一分。每天我都在我的脑袋里平衡这两件事——做我喜欢的工作以及花足够的时间陪伴孩子，以此减少我的愧疚感。

别人的假设

职场妈妈每天都要面对别人对她的各种假设与成见，这让人很恼火。当我儿子还小的时候，我申请过英国一位大臣办公室一份为期一周的实习工作。当时只有另一位申请者与我竞争，他是一名男性。后来我被告知这个实习机会给了他，因为他们担心我作为一个妈妈没办法加班工作。我甚至被“保证”这个决定完全是出于这个考虑，与我的能力无关！因此我恳请所有机构公司里的上司们，请不要随意假定并否认一个妈妈想要做的事情，请让她对自己的决定负责。

每天的时间太少

随着孩子的降临，你的生活重心肯定会改变，你可能会不愿意再参加工作额外的一些活动：晚上的交流会、社会活动、海外会议（但请不要假设——有些妈妈是很欢迎这些机会的！）每天根本不够时间在完成你的工作和照顾你的小孩之余，去参加每一个为我们提供的、对工作发展有帮助的活动（可能这就是职场妈妈相比其他工作者晋升机率更小的原因之一）。除此之外，假如孩子还非常小，你可能每晚就只有两个小时睡觉，这真的很累人。当妈七年，我可以很欣慰地说，一切会逐渐变好的。

但同时工作和照顾小孩带来的不只是压力，这也是一种动力，让我们可以为工作做出特有的贡献。让我们用比较积极的观点来结束这篇博客：成为一位母亲，从某种程度而言，让我变得更好、更易相处。

首先，我现在体会到我们每个人都有别人看不到的个体差异问题。我有两个小孩，这影响了我工作的方式。也许有的人有年迈的父母要照顾，让他们没法出差。也许有的人晚上要学习，需要平衡学习与工作的安排。不同的人有不同的情况，我们没法从外表判断，我们需要更加开放、更加包容，以及更多的沟通。

其次，我变得更加高效高产，在工作主次优先安排时间上更加决断，这是我从未有过的。现在的我能在上班时间内完成一整天的工作，并准时回到家与家人吃饭。

最后，除去（也有可能是因为）劳累，我可以无怨无悔地看待我又工作又当妈的这些年，并欣慰地觉得，如果不是这样，我的人生可能没那么圆满。

英语原文

For the third and final blog around Women’s Day I have been asked by a colleague to share my experience of the pressures on working mothers.  So here are my personal top three “pressures”.  I expect they apply to working fathers too.

Guilt

This has to be number one, right?   After both of my children were born, I went back to work when they were seven months old.  I loved my job.  And while I loved my children I didn’t love sitting around at home alone with a small baby (sorry).  I really looked forward to getting back to work, rediscovering the smart clothes and heels, and being in adult company again.  I have never regretted returning to work when I did, but that doesn’t stop me feeling guilty.  I felt guilty that their nursery carers had seen them through all the milestones - first steps, even toilet training.  I felt guilty that I preferred to be at my desk than playing with them.  As they have got older, I have found that I could switch off all thoughts of my children at the door to my office and focus fairly successfully on my work.  But when it gets to 5:30pm the guilt creeps back in:  every minute I work is another minute taken away from my time with them.  It’s a daily balancing act inside my head between doing the work I enjoy and spending enough time with my children to keep the guilt at bay.

Assumptions

Mothers are subjected to a range of assumptions and it’s infuriating.  When my son was a baby, I applied for an internship in the office of one of our Ministers for a week.  There was only one other candidate, a man.  I was told that the internship would be given to him, because they had been concerned I wouldn’t have the flexibility to work longer hours, as a mother.  I was even assured that the decision was entirely due to this factor and not related to my capability! So my plea to managers everywhere is not to make assumptions about what a mother wants to do:  let her be responsible for her own decisions.

Too few hours in the day

With the arrival of children, your priorities do change, and you might not be willing to participate in some of the optional extras at work: evening networking, social events, conferences overseas (but never assume - some mothers would welcome these opportunities!).  There are not enough hours in the day to work, see your children, and to take up every optional developmental activity that is offered to us at work (and maybe that’s one reason why working mothers aren’t getting promoted at the same rate as their coworkers).  On top of that if the children are very young you’re probably only getting two hours’ sleep per night.  It’s utterly exhausting.  Seven years into motherhood, I am pleased to say it gets easier.
 
But combining work and parenthood doesn’t only bring pressure; it also allows us to bring a special contribution to the workplace.  So let’s finish this blog on a more positive note: Becoming a parent has changed me in a way that makes me a better person to work with.   

Firstly, I appreciate now that we all have hidden diversity issues which others don’t know about.  I have two children and that impacts on the way I work.  Maybe there are others who have ageing parents and they can’t travel.  Or someone else who is studying in the evening and needs to balance that with work.  We can’t tell by looking, and we need to be open and tolerant, and to communicate.  

Secondly, I have become more efficient and productive, and ruthless at prioritisation, in a way I never was before.  Now I really do deliver a whole day of work within working hours and still get home in time for a family dinner.  

Finally, despite (or perhaps because of) the exhaustion I can look on the years of combining work and parenthood, with no regrets and a feeling that my life could not possibly have been any fuller.

#BeBoldforChange #BeYourself

往期博客：

女人赚钱养家，男人煮饭带娃？| 英国驻穗女外交官告诉你不是不可能

男人天生比女人更有自信？| “信心差距”与性别差异并不相关