The number of cars keeps increasing, and road systems should be expanded. Some people believe the government should cover all the coasts. Others believe the users should pay for it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
With the increasing number of private vehicles, roads are always congestedjand hence the road systems is"are in need forkan expansion. Some people believe that it is the government’s responsibility asthe costs will come out of the taxpayers’ money. On the contrary, because ofthe convenience of read users, others think that the onus is on them. In myview, both should be liable to this development.
j：roads are always congested "roads seem to always be congested; k:for " of
[Tutor’s comments: Strong start – but - 2X verberrors and 1 X preposition error]
正如批改老师所写，这是一个写的很不错的strong Start。先是复述了题干，然后给出了自己的观点: both should be liable to this development。记住这道题是Discuss both views and give your opinion，一定要记得要把这两个观点都讨论到，之后再给出自己的观点。如果只提到了一方，那么就是审题不完全。
Developing a welljroad systems is onkthe hand " hands of the government. Civilians contributelthe society through taxes and it is government’s responsibility to use thecollected income on infrastructures.PP Apart frombuilding hospitals, housing and schools, government"governments should ensure road"roads within their countries are sufficient and efficient.Also, in many countries, car owners is "are already paying a registrationfee yearlym.Therefore, government "governments should be fully responsible for the roads’expansion.PP
j:Wrong word choice, try: sound/ good/ efficient; k: preperror, in; l:contribute to; m:word order error;
[Tutor’s comments: Great examples, but 2 X Prep errors,4 X ‘S’ errors, and 2 X vocab errors]
这个段落作者主要描写了题目中的第一个观点—政府应该建造公路。作者认为，百姓们给政府提交了不少的税，那么政府就应该拿这些收入来造福百姓。但是作者再本段中犯了不少语法错误，别看是一些小错误，只是一些‘s’的问题和单复数的问题，但是我们殿堂级的批改老师还是火眼金睛的一个一个的挑出来了。这样大家以后就会记得，不要再犯类似的错误啦！
On the other hand, others think that road users shouldbe held accountable tojthe revamp. Regardless of the increasing number of car owners, there is stillsome citizens who do not ownka car in their garages. For this minority, it islunfair that part of their contribution, which can be used on medical andeducation prospectmthat can benefit all, is taken out. As drivers are the sole beneficiaries of anexpanded road system, they therefore should pay for the costs.
j:to " for; k:own: word choice error, try ‘have’; l:is = language of possibility, not language of certainly, = would be; m:prospect: wrong word choice;
[Tutor’s comments: very well developed discussion –but – count the errors]
另一方面，作者觉得路的使用者应该对路的翻新承担费用。无论是否车辆的数量是否有增加，但仍是有一部分的人并没有车辆。那么如果动用他们的份额去修路，就显得有点不公平了。
In my opinion, the cost to develop a well-rounded roadsystem isjextremely large. If the funding is solely responsible byk car owners, the fee each drivers have topay might be too costly and unaffordable to some. In that case, government " governments should shoulder the burden as it isnevertheless a government’s responsibility to provide better infrastructure tothe public.
j:is: subject verb agreement error; k:by " on;
就作者而言，想要修建一个完善的公路系统，费用是非常庞大的。若要分担到每一个开车的人身上，也是很大的一笔费用。可能对于一些人来说，这笔费用难以承担。所以在这种情况下，政府应该减轻市民的负担，毕竟给市民提供一个更完善的基础设施也是政府的责任之一。
In conclusion, citizens are paying the governmenttaxes and the regime is accountable for infrastructures in their cities whilecar owners are also responsible for the expanded systems as they are thebeneficiaries of such a revamp. Personally, Ithink the costs should be shared in order not to impose a heavy burden on bothparties.
[Tutor’s comments: Great finish]
殿堂级教师批改评语
Feedback:
Task Response – Well done
You have answered the task and topic succinctly and with clever examples and rationale.
Coherence and cohesion – Well done
Although the length of the essay is too much, the coherence and cohesion still give you a great score
Lexical Resource – Very Good
A broad range of interesting and appropriate vocab used; a few errors slightly lower the score
Grammatical Range Accuracy – Good
If you count the number of different errors you will understand why the score is lower here. Keep trying with those areas. You are on track for a very satisfactory score
看完了这篇文章，也看完了殿堂级老师的修改以及文后的详细评语，大家是否有了解为什么这篇文章会给出8分的TR的高分呢？其实想要TR得高分并不难，只要一一的address题目中的问题即可。比如如果是Discuss both views，记得一定要两个观点都讨论，缺一不可。
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