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Spy—Elana

Ten years ago, I was a spy.

Secret identities, awesome spy gadgets and undercover operations consumed my imagination. This was serious business and l took training seriously.

My brother was Public Enemy No.1. He’d come home and I’d use Mission Impossible stealth moves to follow him everywhere. I’d pick his bedroom door with a nail file and steal his allowance. I’d climb the tree outside his window and take reconnaissance photos.

The proudest moment of my young espionage career was Operation Secret Crate. One Saturday afternoon, Mom drove up with my brother and his friends, who were coming over to play Grand Theft Auto, make stupid jokes and eat junk food. My mission: eavesdrop.

My high-tech tool was a plastic moving crate, two and a half feet square, forgotten behind the living room couch. It had eye-holes big enough for an intrepid spy.

I was small and flexible, but fitting inside that crate was a stretch. Still, the mission was on. Quick jumping jacks and toe touches lo loosen the limbs. Squat, knees to chest, crate over head…

Slam! The boys banged through the front door and swarmed onto the couch. Peering out I saw tennis shoes and hairy ankles. My heart thumped so loud I worried it would overpower their excited voices and the hum of the X-Box. The smell of Pizza Hut cheese sticks was in the air.

The moment of truth. Would they notice the girl crouched in the crate inches away?

One minute. Five minutes. Ten minutes. They didn’t notice! Fifteen minutes. Twenty minutes. Still safe. Thirty minutes. I realized the flaw in my plan. l might learn their secrets, but my body was so contorted and aching that soon I might never walk again.

Something had to be done. Something bold, drastic, unthinkable.

ARGGHHAHGHGHGHGHGHAHDHGHGHHGHGHG!!!!!!!

I shouted at the top of my lungs, flung the crate off me and jumped onto the couch. They all screamed. The cheese sticks went flying. The coke spilled. My brother, for once, had nothing to say.

Elana, girl of mystery, strikes, I said. Be warned.

I strutted out of the living room.

Since those first spy trainings, I’ve never stopped preparing for a future clandestine career. I’ve cracked codes in computer science and cracked jokes with a CIA operative. I’ve slogged through 10k of mud at the Camp Pendleton mud run and four years of Chinese in high school. I’ve flown planes with the Civil Air Patrol in Santa Monica and beat drums with Sudanese refugees in Tel-Aviv. I have launched a rocket, administered CPR, operated ham radios, set a broken arm and helped a rescue team look for a downed plane.

I could end up as a spy, a diplomat, a soldier, an astronaut, or a fighter for a lost cause. I could end up famous or completely unknown. I know two things for sure: I won’t be at a desk job, and I’ll be good to have around when there’s trouble.

申请顾问编著点评

这篇文书中申请者通过描写自己小时候的一次SPY演习来生动形象地表现出她敢于探索和冒险的精神。

文书最大的亮点在于细节的刻画以及申请者诙谐幽默的语调。申请者并不像一般的女孩子喜欢音乐、看书、安于现状。相反，申请者文书中展现出自己敢于冒险的一面。她的这一独特性格是在她的成绩单、标化成绩以及活动列表中不能充分体现出来的，会给招生官耳目一新的感觉。文书中通过描写小时候在家中做间谍的故事，并且在后面部分与自己现在所参与的一些活动联系起来，突出了申请者的特质。

文书不仅是通过故事、细节描写、心理活动等来展现申请者敢于冒险的精神的，更重要的是申请者整篇文章中表现出来的幽默的语言，这一点进一步表现出申请者的独特和个性。

好的申请文书并不需要描写特别大型的活动或者经历，文书中申请者通过自己小时候的一个小故事来表现自己对于未来的不懈探索以及敢于挑战和冒险的品质，这种以小见大的手法更能让招生官透过活动和推荐信等来进一步了解学生。读完这篇文书，申请者的形象不仅跃然纸上，招生官也会相信这样的一个申请者肯定能为学校带来不一样的声音，会敢于积极参与到学校的各项课外活动中并且尝试新鲜事物，丰富学校的多样性，这样的申请者正是TOP30的学校所希望看到的。