耶鲁、哥大、宾大、斯坦福、达特茅斯为何都喜欢这篇文书？,美国留学快报微信公众号文章

又是一年申请季，又到了为写文书而绞尽脑汁的时候了，不知道大家是否还记得这个名叫Brittany Stinson的女孩。

她曾经拿到了5所常春藤大学的录取通知：耶鲁大学，哥伦比亚大学，宾大，达特茅斯和康奈尔大学，此外，当年录取率低至4.69%的斯坦福大学也给她抛来了橄榄枝（羡慕）。

被6所顶尖美国名校青睐，除了优秀的学术成绩，申请文书起了极其重要的作用。虽然写出了精彩的文书，但是作者Brittany承认，和广大同学们一样，在1000字之内表达自己的特质并不容易，因此在动笔之前，就使劲想，想清楚自己有哪些性格特点，并锁定一两个集中描述。

在确定要给招生官展示自己的哪些特质后，她选择了用顽皮的语调进行描述：通过以美国人们熟知的场景——到Costco购物作为引子，引起读者的兴趣，描述了一幅又一幅大家熟悉却从未深刻研究过的画面，从而顺理成章带出了自己的性格特点——永不停歇的求知欲。

《商业内幕》让几位藤校招生官对这篇申请文书进行了点评，下面各位招生官的反馈。

文书亮点一：巧设悬念，引人入胜

Nelson Ureña曾在康奈尔担任本科招生工作，他说：文章开头设置悬念，勾起了读者的好奇心，自然而然吸引读者一直读下去。接着读下面几段，她的故事慢慢聚焦起来，随着她的描述，读者在脑海里也会升起一幅画面。

达特茅斯学院的前招生主任David Jiang说，身为招生官，短期难要阅读数百篇申请材料，学生需要展示ta与众不同的地方，才能让招生官在一天工作结束后还有印象。而这篇文书之所以能让人记住，是因为她独特的阐述角度。当我看到文章开头描述一个2岁的女孩飞奔去Costco要免费的样品时，我不由自主读下去想看个究竟。

文书亮点二：凸显个人优点，看完文书，成功让读者产生好感

除了巧设悬念，通篇文章的描述能让读者对作者产生好感。这也是文书的亮点之一。Nelson Ureña 说：『在看文书前，我对Brittany一无所知，但看完文书，我想对这个充满求知欲的、机智的、丰富幽默、善于表达的年轻姑娘了解更多。她的文书成功在能让读者对她产生好感。』

宾大招生官Hirschfeld Legatt也同意这一点，并说，从招生官的角度看，那些脱颖而出的申请人都有一个共同点：让别人喜欢，即让人对ta产生好感（招生官肯定不会录取自己不喜欢的学生）。

"From the undergraduate committee perspective, students who stood out had only one thing in common: likability," Hirschfeld Legatt said.

而除了冷冰冰的成绩，能让别人对你产生喜欢的也只有文书，通过文书展示你的个人品格，可见文书在申请名校时有多重要。很容易想象，招办的老师们在阅读文书时，忍不住发出会心一笑，从而深深的记住了这个优秀幽默的申请人。

"By the end of the committee discussion, admissions officers would be most excited to admit — and eventually meet — students whose essays could illuminate the unique identity of the person behind the application," she continued.

文书亮点之三：动词用得精准

康奈尔前招生官Nelson Ureña 说，我还注意到了 Brittany 在文书中的用词，如果你回过头再看这篇文书，并把所有的动词标亮，你会发现这些词都是精心挑选的，它们不仅描述了动作，还表达了作者的心情，比如: charged, rampaging, widened, sliced, sprinted, touch, taste, stick, explore, scour, whisked, scaled, survey, towered, navigate.

夸了这么多，Nelson Ureña也提出了一些修改建议：从我个人来说，我会建议Brittany减少形容词和副词的使用，使文章简短，更容易阅读。当然，这也不是什么大毛病。

宾大前招生官Hirschfeld Legatt说，Brittany有讲好故事的能力，她的文书最大的优点是绘声绘色地展示了她是一个怎样的人。通篇读完，我们形成的印象是这个女孩有见地，有创新思维，幽默风趣。我尤其记得一个既发人深省又忍俊不禁的句子：'If there exists a thirty-three ounce jar of Nutella, do we really have free will?'

不过，招生官对文书的审核是主观的，仅凭一篇文书也不可能获得好几所名校的录取。这个美国女孩获得6所顶尖名校的录取还离不开优异的成绩。她是美国高中Concord High School这一届最优秀的毕业生，高中成绩年年名列前茅，今年毕业时还作为学生代表致告别辞（致辞的学生一般是毕业班最优秀的学生）。除了成绩顶尖，她去年还参加了麻省理工学院的STEM暑期课程，学习天体物理和科学写作。

以下为Brittany Stinson申请文书原文

题目: Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

原文：Managing to break free from my mother’s grasp, I charged. With arms flailing and chubby legs fluttering beneath me, I was the ferocious two year old rampaging through Costco on a Saturday morning. My mother’s eyes widened in horror as I jettisoned my churro; the cinnamonsugar rocket gracefully sliced its way through the air while I continued my spree. I sprinted through the aisles, looking up in awe at the massive bulk products that towered over me. Overcome with wonder, I wanted to touch and taste, to stick my head into industrialsized freezers, to explore every crevice. I was a conquistador, but rather than searching the land for El Dorado, I scoured aisles for free samples. Before inevitably being whisked away into a shopping cart, I scaled a mountain of plush toys and surveyed the expanse that lay before me: the kingdom of Costco.

为了摆脱妈妈的钳制，我一进Costco就冲出去了。所以，周六早上在Costco里横冲直撞、精力旺盛、连四肢都管不住的那个两岁小女孩就是我了。看见我把churro（西班牙油条）扔出去，妈妈的眼睛都恐惧地瞪大了。肉桂糖的甜甜圈也随着我的狂欢在空中划过。我在过道上冲刺短跑，饱含敬畏地看着那些远远高于我的成山堆叠着的货物。我真是对这些太好奇了，我想去碰触和品尝，想把脑袋伸进巨大的冰箱中，想去探索每一个缝隙。我就是一个征服者，不过不是去征服传说中的黄金国，而是扫荡过道中的免费试用品。当然，最终我还是被妈妈抓进了购物车里，但在此之前我已经丈量了这个矗立在我面前的广阔世界：Costco王国。

Notorious for its oversized portions and dollarfifty hot dog combo, Costco is the apex of consumerism. From the days spent being toted around in a shopping cart to when I was finally tall enough to reach lofty sample trays, Costco has endured a steady presence throughout my life. As a veteran Costco shopper, I navigate the aisles of foodstuffs, thrusting the majority of my weight upon a generously filled shopping cart whose enormity juxtaposes my small frame. Over time, I’ve developed a habit of observing fellow patrons tote their carts piled with frozen burritos, cheese puffs, tubs of ice cream, and weightloss supplements. Perusing the aisles gave me time to ponder. Who needs three pounds of sour cream? Was cultured yogurt any more wellmannered than its uncultured counterpart? Costco gave birth to my unfettered curiosity.

因超大分量和1.5美金的热狗套餐而臭名昭著，Costco简直是消费主义的代名词。从我还是个只能待在购物车里的小女孩时起，直至我高到能够着试用品托盘，Costco一直是我的生活中不可或缺的一部分。作为一个老练的Costco买家，我能迅速将食物定位，选一辆与我的小身板匹配的巨大购物车，然后把我大部分的重量倾注其上。后来，我又养成了一个新习惯：观察周围的顾客，看他们把冷冻的墨西哥卷饼、芝士泡芙、几桶冰淇淋和减肥药统统塞进购物车里。在过道上的详细考察，让我有时间去思索：谁会需要三磅重的酸奶油？发酵酸奶比普通酸奶更好吃吗？Costco滋生了我无穷无尽的好奇心。

While enjoying an obligatory hot dog, I did not find myself thinking about the ‘all beef’ goodness that Costco boasted. I instead considered finitudes and infinitudes, unimagined uses for tubs of sour cream, the projectile motion of said tub when launched from an eighty foot shelf or maybe when pushed from a speedy cart by a scrawny seventeen year old. I contemplated the philosophical: If there exists a thirtythree ounce jar of Nutella, do we really have free will? I experienced a harsh physics lesson while observing a shopper who had no evident familiarity of inertia's workings. With a cart filled to overflowing, she made her way towards the sloped exit, continuing to push and push while steadily losing control until the cart escaped her and went crashing into a concrete column, 52” plasma screen TV and all. Purchasing the yuletide hickory smoked ham inevitably led to a conversation between my father and me about Andrew Jackson’s controversiality. There was no questioning Old Hickory’s dedication; he was steadfast in his beliefs and pursuits – qualities I am compelled to admire, yet his morals were crooked. We both found the ham to be more likeable–and tender.

当享受着超市的热狗时，我想的不是Costco鼓吹的“全牛肉”卖点，而是在考虑有限与无限，考虑酸奶油的其它用法，比如当酸奶油桶被从80英尺高的货架上扔出来或者从瘦骨嶙峋17岁顾客疾驰的购物车中挤出来时所进行的抛物运动。有时我在思考更哲学化的问题：在三盎司的巧克力酱面前，我们还有真正的自由意志吗？我还在Costco上过一堂物理课。一个顾客似乎并不熟悉惯性这回事：她的购物车塞得满满当当，可她还是在下斜坡出口处不停地推啊推，最后购物车果然失去控制，狠狠地撞向一根水泥柱、一台52寸等离子电视和其它好多货品。而另一次购买胡桃木烟熏火腿的经历则引发了我和父亲之间关于Andrew Jackson（美国第七任总统，外号“老胡桃木”）的争论。Jackson总统的历史贡献是毋庸置疑的，他对自己的信仰和追求是如此的坚定，那是一种我特别仰慕的品质。然而，这不能掩盖他的道德是有很大瑕疵的。无论如何，我和父亲还是达成了一致意见，胡桃木烟熏火腿比“老胡桃木”总统更讨人喜欢，也柔软得多。

I adopted my exploratory skills, fine tuned by Costco, towards my intellectual endeavors. Just as I sampled buffalochicken dip or chocolate truffles, I probed the realms of history, dance and biology, all in pursuit of the ideal cart–one overflowing with theoretical situations and notions both silly and serious. I sampled calculus, crosscountry running, scientific research, all of which are now household favorites. With cart in hand, I do what scares me; I absorb the warehouse that is the world. Whether it be through attempting aerial yoga, learning how to chart blackbody radiation using astronomical software, or dancing in front of hundreds of people, I am compelled to try any activity that interests me in the slightest.

运用这些在Costco里得到的探索技能，我努力去开发自己的头脑。正如我尝试布法罗鸡蘸料和松露巧克力，我在历史、舞蹈和生物的领域中进行着同样的探究，这种感觉就像是在寻找一辆理想的购物车，里面充满了既有趣又严肃的理论和概念。我去尝试微积分、越野跑和科学研究。而似乎因为有了这样一辆购物车在手，我敢于去挑战那些令我恐惧的事情，Costco就仿佛囊括了整个世界。无论是尝试空中瑜伽，还是学习如何利用天文软件绘制黑体辐射，或者是在几百人前面跳舞，对于任何感兴趣的事情我都义无反顾。

My intense desire to know, to explore beyond the bounds of rational thought; this is what defines me. Costco fuels my insatiability and cultivates curiosity within me at a cellular level. Encoded to immerse myself in the unknown, I find it difficult to complacently accept the “what”; I want to hunt for the “whys” and dissect the “hows”. In essence, I subsist on discovery.

强烈的求知欲和对超越理性思考边界的探索，共同造就了今天的我。是Costco将无穷无尽的好奇心植入到我每一个细胞中。如今，在陷入到未知领域时，我已经无法满足于仅仅接受“这是什么”，我想去搜寻“为什么”、去解析“怎么做”。事实上，探索成了我的立身之本。

文书对于申请来说是很重要的。但是，文书的素材不仅来源于你的日常生活，还来源于你之前做过的活动，体验过的人生。想要你的文书出色，你选择的文书素材就一定要足够吸引别人的眼球，如果你今年不申请，快报君则劝你早日规划。

虽然文书优秀很重要，但是你的标化成绩一样也很重要！所以也请加油提升你的GPA和考试成绩哦~