简单词句,照样拿下8分作文,无忧小雅哥微信公众号文章

用最简单的词句，也能写出8分作文！~

许多烤鸭们都在纠结，到底要多好多大的词才能写出8分作文，小雅哥告诉大家，其实并不用！最简单的词句，一样能到8分，重点是文章的结构和逻辑一定要十分清晰！~ 下面是无忧雅思内部学员上交给外教老师批改的作文，虽然他取得了8分，但是他并没有用多么高大上的词汇。值得各位屠雅小伙伴们来学一学的是他的结构和逻辑！~

Government funding should only be provided for the best students as scholarships. Other funding of universities should come from student fees and private organizations. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The question of how university funding should be allocated sourced is hard to answer. (这里把allocated改为sourced是因为这篇文章的问题讲的是大学资金的来源) In my opinion, government, private organizations and students all should all (all should是错误的用法，all应该放在助动词和动词之间) make contributions accordingly.

【开头段第一句-paraphrase the topic-大学的资金应该来源于哪里是一个很难回答的问题。接着表明自己的观点：政府，私人机构和学生都应该为此做出贡献。在开头段要有introduction给出全文的话题，不然考官哪知道你要写什么话题呢~】

It is widely accepted that governments should provide scholarships to excellent students. This is due to the fact that funding scholarships (复数不要忘记加s哦~) is an effective way to promote national academic development. This is especially true when brilliant students are facing financial difficulties in embarking on study or continuing their academic research. By granting scholarships to these students, governments can monetarily help them further their education and research which may will (把may改成will语气会更强一点) hopefully contribute to the (指代的时候要用定冠词the) overall academic advancement of the country.

【正文第一段的逻辑非常清晰。首先指出政府应该给成绩好的学生颁发奖学金，原因是这样可以有效的促进国家学术水平的发展。然后举实例：杰出却又有经济困难的学生非常需要奖学金，通过奖学金，这些学生能进一步展开他们的学习与研究，从而为整个国家的学术发展做出贡献。】

Besides However (这里的连接词应该换成however表示转折，因为这一段的主要内容是说政府的资金不应该只限制于给成绩好的学生), government funding should not be limited to scholarships for top students. The (这里特质教育部门，要加the) educational sector deserves more government funding generally because investment in this sector is an investment for in the future. Excellent education can cultivate useful citizens in the future who are better equipped to tackle tomorrow’s challenges. Thus, government should also continuously fund educational facilities in universities. Financially supporting (这里是动名词作主语，所以要加ing) the deployment of computers in libraries is a case in point. Increasing computer accessibility enables students to search for whatever resources they need. This may benefit them as individuals and make them grateful contributors to the society. This will benefit universities by enabling them to provide a superior quality service to their students and build an international reputation. (这一句话的点本身是对的，但是这一段话我们侧重的重点是给大学投资设备，所以我们应该描写的是给大学带来的好处，而不是给学生带来的好处。)

【正文第二段用However引出作者更倾向的观点：政府的资金不应该只限制于给成绩好的学生。原因是教育部门值得更多的资金，投资教育其实是一种对未来的投资，好的教育可以为社会培养有用的人才，所以为大学教育设施投资是很值得的。随后举出在图书馆配备电脑这个例子来实例证明自己的观点。童鞋们有木有觉得这一段是逻辑清晰，无懈可击呢~所以用词并非是最重要的那一部分！~】

However, students and private organizations should also make contributions to the university funding. This is primarily because investment in the educational sector is huge and government can hardly bear it by its own (这位学员这里把by itself和on its own弄混了，用哪一个都行，但是不能用by its own哦~). Besides, organizations should share the responsibility with government in funding universities (这个表达太累赘了，因为考官知道你说的哪种funding). Because they will ultimately enjoy the benefit of the skilled and trained human resources universities produce. Students, as the benefit receivers (受益人用beneficiaries比较好), should also contribute to the university funding through means tested fees. They can also bear other costs; for instance, numerous club events held in universities are generally funded by student members.

【正文第三段回答大学其他资金应该来源于私人机构和学生，因为这一个巨大的投资，仅仅只靠政府是承担不了这么大的开销的。私人机构应该跟政府共同承担这份责任，通过这项投资，他们可以得到更有技术更专业的人才。学生也应该根据他们自己的经济情况来对学校提供一些资金，并举例说明很多社团活动的举办资金都是来源于学生。】

In conclusion, university funding is a shared responsibility among governments, private organizations and students. They all should all make partial monetary contributions.

[最后一段重申上文所提到的观点，政府、机构和学生都应该分担university funding这个责任~]

并且每一项写作的评分标准都有单独的打分哦~

TASK RESPONSE 8分

Sufficiently addresses all parts of the task
Presents a well-developed response to the question with relevant, extended and supported ideas
Please see above the improvements I have made to the development of the argument e.g. explaining why organizations should pay; it is not simply that government can’t afford to take all he burden but that companies are also beneficiaries like students.

COHERENCE AND COHESION 7-8分

Logical sequencing of ideas
Uses paragraphs sufficiently and appropriately
Only the poor link between para 2 and para 3 lowers your score to a very good for this skill

LEXICAL RESOURCE 8分