围观: 雅思八分作文到底长怎样?,澳大利亚留学移民服务微信公众号文章

很多小伙伴们都很迷茫作文到底要怎样写才能到8分，甚至很大一部分烤鸭们觉得自己的作文能写到7分就已经到达极限，要谢天谢地了。只要用词得当，逻辑清晰，不跑题不偏题，写作8分不是梦~ 尤其是在移民政策这么紧缩的时代，雅思4个8能够为移民直接加上20分，是不是很有吸引力呢？！~相信读会计的小伙伴们深知这一点吧,[哭哭]~~~

今天要给大家分享一篇由某雅思学校内部考官批改的8分作文，各位亲爱的小伙伴们在围观8分美文的同时，还可以看看考官是如何批改作文的哦！~

Task2: Ambition is an important characteristic of people. How important is it for people to make success in life? Is it a positive or negative characteristic for success?

文章中红色标注的考官批改的内容~ 括号中是考官的评语~

Ambition is the desire (Nice definition of ambition) for accomplishment, and it is widely believed that ambitious people are likely to succeed precisely because they have the internal drive to achieve their goals. In my opinion, although being ambitious is important to make a success out of life, it brings people both benefits and disadvantages (In English we usually pair ‘advantages and disadvantages’ and ‘benefits and drawbacks’).

开头简洁明了，用ambition的定义展开这个话题~ 既自然又能妥妥的直切主题！~ 接着回答题目中的两个问题：尽管一个人有没有野心对成功很重要，但是野心也是一把双刃剑。在开头段写Introduction和answer the question才是这类题型最正确的写法！~

Having a sense of ambition helps people establish clear goals, and motivates them to make a sincere effort towards achieving their target. For example, students who aspire to become lawyers in the future have to be highly motivated to study hard because most law schools have high academic entry requirements. Also, ambition drives (good) people to make optimal use of their available resources, such as time and money, because these resources are scarce. People must therefore make choices between different things that they can do, and definitely choose to do those things that will achieve their personal goals first. For instance, many geniuses, such as Bill Gates and Steve Jobs, quit their universities to start their own businesses at an early age because time is precious and they chose to allocate it to their career vision.

主体第一段写了两个方面，一个是野心能够使人拥有明确的目标，并且为这个目标而努力，并举法学院学生的这个例子证明自己的观点。第二个方面是野心能够让人很好的利用可用的资源，比如时间和金钱，并举了Bill Gates和Steve Jobs的例子来充分的说明他们虽然年纪轻轻就辍学，但是他们很好的利用这一段时间来开创他们的事业~ 童鞋们可以仔细看看考官的批改，所有的语法错误，用词错误，不得当的表达都被考官一一指出并加以纠正，这一直都是无忧雅思办学的宗旨，真真正正的帮助烤鸭们了解自己的错误并给予指导！~

However, it is not true that the desire for success is all positive. Ambition may be positive or negative depending on a person’s specific situation. Setting an unrealistic goal may be a waste of time and passion, and sometimes such goals may mislead people. For example, some people want to become billionaires in a short time. Actually, only a few people in the world can achieve this success, and the rest may eventually have to give up their dreams and sacrifice their efforts and capital which were(I changed the verb to the plural form because both effort and capital are invested) invested in this ambition. Also, in order to achieve the impossible dream, some dreamers may seek illegal opportunities to earn a huge profit such as selling drugs.

一个However就能指出这一段与上一段持相反的观点，那么这一段的主旨一定是野心所带来的影响不都是好的。一个不实际的野心或者梦想反而会浪费人的时间和精力。更甚者，为了达到某些不实际的幻想，有些人可能会做出一些违法的行为。

In conclusion, ambition does make a contribution to people’s success but it is the goal which suits the specific situation that is likely to produce positive outcomes.

结尾段重申自己的观点，野心确实能拉近人们和成功之间的距离，但是必须是某些特定的目标才能产生积极的效应。

你以为作文批改到这里就结束啦？并没有哦！！！压轴戏通常都在后头呢！~

评分：

TASK RESPONSE： 8

Sufficiently addresses all parts of the task
Presents a well-developed response to the question with relevant, extended and supported ideas.
By the way, the most commonly perceived downside of ambition is that it can make people ruthless where they want to succeed at any price. For example they neglect their personal relationships. They may also not be interested in helping other people much because they have eyes only for their own goals. So ambition can make people very self-centred and egotistical.

COHERENCE & COHESION： 8