怎么样的作文才能得7.5+?

其实这篇文章并不是什么大神类的人物写的，而是一位很普通的烤鸭的平时练习的文章。但是批改老师还是给出了7.5-8分的高分~

这篇文章有很多我们难以写出的高深表达吗？没有；

那有非常出挑非常特别的idea吗？也没有。

那是为什么能得7.5+的高分呢？

原因其实很简单，大家详细阅读以下这篇文章，并且仔细的研读一下老师的feedback，即可知其中诀窍！

Explain some of the ways in which humans are damaging the environment. What can governments do to address these problems? What can individual people do?

Environmental degradation, just like other hotly-debated① issues triggered by the② ever changing society, has been prioritised on many governments’ agenda③. The most obvious causes and the corresponding effective measures from the④ governments and individuals will be discussed in this essay.

[①: no hyphen, hotly-debated → hotly debated; ②: the → an; ③: agenda → agendas; ④: from the → of ]

Environmental problems are not due to a single cause, but due to a combination of factors, such as massive gas emissions from the factories and the sky rocketing population in recent years. The carbon dioxide and toxic gases released by the factories have led to the emergence of global warming and damaged the air quality respectively. Besides this, the growing population in recent years increases① the quantities of waste, which contaminates② the earth and pollutes③ rivers and oceans.

[①: increases → has increased; ②: contaminates → has contaminated; ③: pollutes → polluted our]

It is widely acknowledged that environment problems are not only detrimental to the general health of communities, but also disastrous to the development of the local economy, especially the tourism industry. Therefore, some feasible and① practical approaches are badly needed. First of all, governments could lay down stricter laws, such as heavily fine those② who are caught exceeding the③ gas emissions limit④ set by the governments, and impose these laws effectively⑤. Besides that, governments could also encourage the companies to employ⑥ renewable energy from solar, wind or water power. Take Malaysia for example, in early 2005, governments start provide subsidises⑦ and tax incentives to⑧ companies who⑨ use renewable energy, and by doing so, governments have managed to reduce the air pollution level to a new dip⑩.

[①: I deleted this because ‘feasible’ is very close in meaning to ‘practical’ so it is redundant; ②: I deleted this because it is not an example of a strict law. Rather it is an example of a penalty; ③: who are caught exceeding the → strict; ④: emissions limit → emission limits; ⑤: impose these laws effectively → police these laws effective with heavy fines; ⑥: employ → utilize; ⑦: start provide subsidises → started to provide subsidies; ⑧: to → for; ⑨: who → which; wrong relative pronoun; a company is not a person; ⑩: dip → low]

Furthermore, individuals should also take responsibility for the impact they have on the environment. They can take public transport rather than driving, choose products with less packaging, use reusable bags instead of plastic bags and recycle as much as possible. In these ways, environmental problems would be fully addressed, or at least, minimised. For instance, if everyone, supported goods with less packaging, it may eventually signal① the factories and thus reducing② the chances of waste being created in the first place.

[①: signal → send a signal to; ②: reducing → reduce;]

In conclusion, collective efforts between governments and individuals should come into forth① in order to fully eradicate the environmental degradation.

[①: forth → place;]

殿堂级批改老师的详细Feedback：

WORD COUNT:  335 words; minimum 250 required

Please note, this is far too many words for an IELTS test. While you are not penalised for writing too many words, it is not possible for you to write so many words in 40 minutes under test conditions. The 40 minute test includes planning and writing time and the best you can do in the test is write approximately 270 words that are carefully planned and structured and answer the question. There are not more points for more words. If when you practice for the IELTS test you write 360 words, you are in fact not preparing for the test.

TASK RESPONSE:  Very Good

• Answers all parts of the question

• Presents a clear position throughout the response

• Extends and supports main ideas but with a tendency to over-generalize

COHERENCE & COHESION:    Very Good

• Logically organizes ideas; clear progression throughout

• Clear central topic in each paragraph

• Uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately but with some over/under use

LEXICAL RESOURCE:   Well Done

• Use a wide range of vocabulary fluently and flexibly to convey precise meanings

• Skilfully uses uncommon lexical items but there may be occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation

• Rare errors in spelling and/or word formation

GRAMMAR:    Very Good – Well Done

• Uses a wide range of structures

• Produces frequent error free sentences

• Generally good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors

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