对于有些人来说，好好聊天实在太难，碰到一个不会聊天的，分分钟把天聊死，但迫于情境所逼，我们还不得不开启尬聊模式。

但你们造吗？比尬聊更惨的，是尬笑。

在红迪网（Reddit）上有这样一个问题——

你亲眼见过的，有哪些笑话让人听得尴尬癌都犯了？

那些得赞较多的，确实是看起来都让人觉得手足无措啊......

A girl had what looked like a little spot of bean dip on her upper lip, and I jokingly said that she kinda looked like Hitler. She started crying. Turns out it was a permanent scar that happened recently.

有个女孩上唇好像沾了点豆酱，于是我开玩笑说她看起来像希特勒。结果她哭了起来，原来那是最近留下的一个永久性伤疤。

Another time I saw a girl crying at a party, and I just said "Hey, it's okay. Guys are dicks." It was kinda my go-to before this when I saw crying girls at parties, and it usually cheered them up. Turns out her boyfriend just died in a car crash.

又有一次，我在派对上看到一个女孩在哭，于是说了句“没事，男人都是混蛋”。之前在派对上看到女孩哭的时候我都会这么说，通常她们就会笑了。然而这个女孩的男朋友刚刚在车祸中去世了。

So anyway, that's why I never talk to people anymore.

无论如何，这就是我不再跟别人说话的原因。

My newest boss at the time had accidentally brushed my butt with her hand and said "sorry I didn't mean to." I didn't have my work-filter on so I naturally teased her a little with a wink and a "sure". She got really flustered and uncomfortable. I don't think it had anything to do with me but a week later she quit.

我们新来的女上司不小心摸到了我的屁屁，她忙说道，“抱歉我不是故意的”。而我不假思索地打趣说“当然了”，还朝她眨了眨眼睛。她一下子就方了，看上去很不自在。一个星期后她就辞职了，我觉得这应该跟我没什么关系吧。

Was woken up at 2am by the doorbell. Took a little while to become conscious and actually realise it was the doorbell by which time my wife was awake as well.

某天凌晨两点的时候我被门铃吵醒了。过了一小会儿我才完全清醒，发现我妻子也醒了过来。

I go down to see who it is. It's a neighbour, as soon as I open the door he tells me there is a fire next door. Next door is a building site and a small digger was currently ablaze. Slightly concerning as gas canisters were stored on the site. I rush back upstairs and my wife has looked out the window and could see the fire right outside we decide to evacuate.

于是我下楼去开门，那是我们的邻居，他说我们房子后面闹火灾。那边是个建筑工地，有部挖掘机着火了。因为担心建筑工地上的煤气罐会爆炸，我立刻冲到楼上，叫上我妻子一起撤退。

The neighbour offers to let us stay in his house (across the road) to await the fire brigade. Neighbour and his wife are lovely and very welcoming. Fire brigade turns up very quickly and put it out. As we are thanking the neighbour he apologises for waking us up, I respond with...

邻居请我们过去他们家等消防兵过来，他家在我们对面，夫妻俩特别友好热情。消防官兵很快过来把火灭了。跟邻居道谢的时候，他说吵醒我们很抱歉，而我的回答是......

"Well, at least it wasn't Jehovah's Witnesses!"

“啊，幸好不是耶和华见证人(一个基督教异端教派)过来敲门了！”

He smiles but doesn't respond and me and my wife head back indoors. As the door clicks shut my wife hisses at me "They ARE Jehovah's Witnesses!" I then cringe a lot.

邻居笑了笑，但是没有说话，我和我妻子退到房内。关上门之后，我妻子很生气地小声说道，“他们就是耶和华见证人！”我被吓得瑟瑟发抖。

This guy I work with showed us a picture of a buff shirtless dude on a motorcycle and said,"this is what I want to be one day". So I said "wow it's going to take you a long time to turn yourself into a motorcycle" and he gave me the most evil look. It was around other coworkers as well and only a few people laughed about it. It was so awkward with how offensive he took the joke.

我一个同事给大家看了一张照片，里面是个没穿上衣的肌肉男，坐在一辆摩托上面。他说，“我希望自己以后能变成这个样子”，而我接着说，“哇，要变成摩托车可得花不少时间啊”。结果他恶狠狠地瞪了我一眼。当时其他同事也在，没几个人被我逗笑。我只是想开个玩笑而已，但他却觉得被冒犯了，真是太囧了。

It was early in the season and my coach didn't really know everyone's name and background. Us kids knew each other pretty well, however. We began practice and he noticed our motivation was low and we kinda moped through the drills even the fun ones. Half way through practice he finally said, "come on guys what's wrong? You all look like your mothers just died." Well turns out a week ago ones of our teammate's mother had died of cancer leaving her devastated family behind. So yeah, that was pretty awkward.

新赛季开始后我们换了个教练，他不太清楚所有人的名字，但我们每个人私底下都很熟。训练开始之后他发现我们都没什么兴致，连最好玩的项目也都是随便糊弄过去的。于是他说道，“你们都怎么了？看上去跟死了妈似的。”一个星期前，我们中一个队员的妈妈确实因为癌症去世了，他们全家都很悲痛。所以当时真的很尴尬。

来源：普特英语听力网（putclub2012）