1. Hot, steamy summer trash piles.

2. Getting puked on in the subway.

3. Being the puker.

4. Getting kicked in the face by a “Showtime!” dancer.

5. Moving. At all.

6. But especially with broker fees.

7. Dooring a cyclist on your way out of a cab.

8. Being doored.

9. Slipping on a sidewalk condom.

10. But also, touching one in the subway.

11. Awkward celebrity encounters.

12. Something awful happening to you in public. Everyone around ignoring it.

13. A pigeon hitting you in the face.

14. Times Square (the pickpockets).

15. Saint Marks Place (the punx).

16. JFK.

17. Enrolling in Columbia grad school while drunk.

18. Bike messengers.

19. Dropping your wallet on the subway tracks.

20. Dropping your phone on the subway tracks.

21. Dropping anything on the subway tracks.

22. Your favorite bar becoming a bank.

23. Getting eaten alive by squirrels.

24. Being stuck on the wrong side of a parade route.

25. Falling asleep on the subway and waking up in Coney Island.

26. This.

27. Losing your MetroCard at the beginning of the month.

28. Ever-increasing MetroCard fees coupled with ever-worsening service.

29. Going out on St. Patrick’s Day.

30. Pee. Pee everywhere.

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