总领事博客
蟑螂、电话与个人信息
作者：英国驻广州总领事卢墨雪 翻译：Dannibal
有天晚上睡觉前，发生了件闹心的事儿。
忙碌了一天后，我正打算休息。在浴室里，困得睁不开眼的我伸手去拿牙刷，却突然发现，浴室里不只我一个，一只巨大的蟑螂正若无其事地爬在我的牙刷上！
一阵恐慌袭来。我顺手抄起离我最近的“武器”—一把梳子，对着它拍过去，但几次都没拍中，因为我的攻击目标老在移动。我的天，没想到这小东西溜起来这么快！最终这位不速之客逃进抽屉里，钻进了我放海绵袋及其它个人卫生用品的地方。又经过几分钟的翻箱倒柜，我终于把它给灭了！
这一次深夜大战带给我的震惊程度超乎我想象。我必须说明，我从来都不怕任何蛇虫鼠蚁，这一点一直是我的骄傲。我夫人把我当成英雄，因为平常她遇到蜘蛛都是我帮她搞定的。通常情况下，我会温柔地把它们放到手里，再送出屋外。我能这么淡定是因为我知道蜘蛛是益虫。
这个月在一家漂亮的小餐馆吃饭的时候，一只肥硕的老鼠从我桌子旁经过，我也没有特别困扰。当时我和朋友正趁着外出就餐的机会，感受下秋天夜晚的习习凉风。我觉得老鼠也和我们一样，有享受良辰美景的权利。“和平共存嘛”，我思考着，喝了一口颇有风味的比利时啤酒。
但蟑螂不一样！它必须消失！首先，它侵犯了我最私密的空间，爬到我的漱口杯里；其次，好吧，其实英国人很少见到蟑螂，英国的天气对它们来说太冷了（谢天谢地！），蟑螂一般更喜欢南方的温暖气候。
所以我觉得，面对虫子和面对讨厌的事物时人的反应是一样的，越不熟悉越会产生蔑视。我相信，无论如何，英国肯定有些方面会让生活在那儿的中国人觉得奇怪和讨厌。
上一次，在我长期就职海外之后回到伦敦，我个人觉得最烦恼的就是打到我座机的推销电话。这些电话来自不同公司，销售千奇百怪的产品，从双层玻璃和屋顶隔热层到人寿保险和退休金。这种推销电话的数量近年来呈上升趋势。在伦敦的这段时间里，几乎每个周五我都在家办公，而这些接连不断的推销电话严重干扰了我的工作节奏。
回到中国，我发现越来越多的人已经不用座机了，他们更依赖用手机和互联网来交流。我以为这意味着我从此可以逃过电话销售的干扰，事实上在广州的前几个月我做到了。
但很快我就犯下了一个致命的错误。某次在超市收银台前，我的立场不够坚定，同意了我女儿的请求，注册了一张超市会员卡。我如实地在表上填写信息，把我的手机号码填了进去。几乎同时，我开始接到骚扰电话和短信。第二天我把这事儿告诉了我一个中国朋友，他叹了口气告诉我，我已经成为“垃圾短信”的受害者了。我之前从未听过这个词，但似乎大部分中国人都耳熟能详。无论如何，我已经吸取了教训，在中国任职期间，我再也不会注册任何会员卡了。
当然，有一点严肃的，对市民来说，与其担心政府储存我们的电子信息，倒不如思考下如何避免商业机构对个人数据的不正当使用。这的确是一个很难快速通过立法来解决的领域。电话销售公司就像蟑螂一样，躲在社会的黑暗角落里，并且行踪不定。对于相关部门来说，打击取缔这些公司是吃力不讨好的一件事儿。
我希望，随着中国经济和技术的发展进步，我在中国的朋友们可以避免这些我在英国经历过的问题。我很想了解你们对“蟑螂电话”的观点。我们如何才能躲过这些“虫子”？当然，如果有人能教我如何在手机上屏蔽垃圾短信，我会非常感激！
英领君注：英语中有个词叫cold call，指的是打给潜在顾客推销产品或服务的陌生电话，而负责打推销电话的电话销售就叫做cold caller。在这篇博客里，总领事将cold caller比喻成蟑螂，称之为cockroach caller。
英语原文：
Something gross happened at bedtime the other night.
I was in the bathroom, getting ready to turn in after a long day. I reached out wearily and bleary-eyed for my toothbrush. Suddenly I realised that I was not alone. A large cockroach was crawling nonchalantly up my toothbrush.
Panic kicked in. I flailed around uselessly with the nearest weapon I could find to hand – my hairbrush. But each time I thrashed out at my moving target, I missed. Boy, when those monsters decide to get going, they are fast. Eventually the interloper scuttled off into the drawer where I keep my sponge bag and other personal hygiene necessities. Two more minutes of crashing and banging ensued before I made my kill.
This late-night battle shook me up more than I would have expected. Now, I pride myself on being not at all squeamish when it comes to bugs and creepy-crawlies. My wife considers me a hero because I dispose fearlessly of any spiders she happens to come across in daily life. I do this humanely, I hasten to add, scooping them gently into my hands and taking them outside the house. I can do this calmly because I consider spiders to be a good thing.
I wasn’t particularly disturbed either when a large rat ran past my table at a fancy eatery in Shenzhen earlier this month. My friends and I were dining outside, enjoying the gentle warmth of the autumn evening, and I figured that the rat probably had just as much right to be there as we did. Live and let live, I thought; and took another sip of my rather good Belgian beer.
But the cockroach was different. It had to go. Firstly, it had invaded my intimate personal space, by venturing into my tooth mug. And secondly, well, the truth is that we Brits really aren’t used to cockroaches. The UK is too cool and temperate for them – thank goodness – and they tend to seek out warmer southern climes.
So I suppose that when it comes to pests and nuisances, unfamiliarity breeds contempt. I am sure at any rate that there must be some aspects of British life which Chinese expats find really outlandish and bothersome.
When I last returned to London, after a long stint of overseas postings, what I personally found most annoying was commercial cold calls to my home landline. These came from a plethora of companies, selling everything from double glazing and roof insulation to life insurance and pensions. Such calls have increased exponentially in recent years. During this period I was working from home most Fridays, and found these incessant cold callers a really disruptive intrusion into my business routine.
Coming back to China, I discovered that more and more people here have dispensed with landlines altogether, relying instead on mobiles and internet services for their communication needs. I thought that might mean I would be safe from nuisance callers. And so indeed it proved for my first few months in Guangzhou.
Then I made my fatal mistake. In a weak moment at a supermarket till, I gave in to my daughter’s pleadings and signed up for a store loyalty card. I meekly filled in the form and handed over my mobile phone number. Almost instantly, the nuisance calls and text messages started. The next day, I told a Chinese friend. He sighed and explained that I was now a victim of “mobile spam”. I had not heard the phrase before, but it seems that it is one which is well known to most Chinese people. Anyway, I have learned my lesson and will not be signing up for any more loyalty cards during my posting here.
There is a serious point here, of course. For all the angst we may feel about the amount of electronic information which our governments keep on us, it can be argued that misuse of personal data by private commercial organisations is a more immediate problem for most citizens. Certainly it is an area where it is very difficult to legislate effectively. Cold callers, like cockroaches, hide away in dark corners of society, and are fast and highly mobile. Tracking them down and holding them to account for their actions must be a thankless task for the authorities.
I hope that as China’s economic and technological development progresses, my Chinese friends can avoid some of the problems we have experienced in the UK. I would be interested in your perspectives on this issue of “cockroach callers”. How can we rid ourselves of this pest? And meanwhile, if anyone can teach me how to adjust the settings on my phone to filter out the spam, I would be really grateful.
往期博客：
点击“阅读原文”或微博搜索@英国驻广州总领事卢墨雪 关注总领事个人微博。
